Tag: furniture

The Coffin Mirror

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Coffin Mirror
Mirror mirror, on the wall, who is the deadest one of all? Wait. Maybe I don’t want to know. Yeah. Just forget that I asked. Anyway, whose idea was it to decorate this place like a funeral home? I mean, I know it’s dead around here, but geesh.

This Coffin Mirror really puts your mortality in your face. I heard that if you approach the coffin mirror and begin coughing, that probably means your time is just about up. You smash this thing, you’re not getting seven years bad luck, but an undertaker will start following you around. No thanks. I’ll stick with the mirror I have. Which is a good looking dude named Steve, who I met on Craigslist, and pay to stand on the other side of the wall.

Ouija Board Coffee Table

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ouija board coffee table
Thanks for inviting me over for coffee. What’s this?

That’s my new Ouija Board Coffee Table. Let’s ask it a question.

Cool. I’ll start? Are there any spirits in the house?

*Grabs a bottle of Jim Beam and smashes it against his head.*

There’s your f**king spirits! What are you crazy? I hate ghosts.

Creepy Chairs For Your Haunted Mansion

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creepy chairs
ComaToastCoffinCo makes these cool creepy chairs. They are perfect for haunted houses or just for sitting in this Halloween and looking all freaky. Wait. ComaToastCoffinCo? Cool name. ComaToast. It’s when you want toast real bad, so you make some, but you are so tired you fall asleep and don’t eat it. You also get butter all over your shirt. And…Other…Odd places. Trust me on this one.

These chairs are all rib cages, skulls and spiderwebs, which sounds like a supermodel at the end of her career. I might dress up as the Grim Reaper this Halloween and sit in one of these like a throne as I give out candy. More like, sit on this chair and get beat up by the bigger kids and have my candy taken away. Oh Halloween. No matter how old I get, nothing ever changes.
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Centipede Chair

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centipede chair
The Milli chair has got legs baby! Lots and lots of legs. It looks like it’s rearing up to attack. Just like it’s nasty siblings that show up in my house at night. I hate those guys. All long legs and twitchy and spazzy when you kill ’em.

At least I can ride this centipede chair and be recognized as the centipede overlord. They will all be at my command! And I’m gonna command them all to go to my neighbor’s house. Then I’ll just lie back and relax. Let this thing carry me wherever it wants.

Bones The English Butler

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bones english butler
Bones The English Butler apparently doesn’t know how to wear pants that fit. Or shoes. But he’s a good servant. He puts up with a lot.

“Bones, come here. I need you!”

“How may I be of help sir?”

“You can start by wearing a proper shirt that will cover your ribs. There’s a good man. And for good sake’s chap, must your free hand always be in the position of catching a high five from behind, while it is down low because I’m too slow? Straighten up and get me a brandy so I can stand the sight of you. And get that murder out of your eye sockets.”

“Death sir…”

“What was that?”

“Yes sir!”

“Quite. Quite.”