Tag: furniture

Nuke Lamp Glows In The Dark, Naturally

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nuke lampThis Nuke Lamp in the shape of a mushroom cloud will lend an irradiated glow to your home. Usually only the cockroaches would survive a blast like this, but both you and those nasty creatures will be safe.

This amazing 3D printed lamp really splits my atoms. It’s rad! Get it? I love it a mega-ton! I hope I don’t get any fallout because of these lame jokes. I wish I had been alive in the 60s and had this lamp. I would have tricked all of my dates using the old “under the desk, duck and cover” routine. Nah, I’ll be fine sitting at the desk. Only enough room down there for one. You get under so you’re safe. Heh heh. While you’re down there…

*Hey that’s rude!*

What? I was gonna say to check if the carpet needs vacuuming.

*That’s sexist*

Well, I just meant.

*You shut up mister!*

When did the voice in my head get so mean and bossy?

Stainless Steel Jail Cell Toilet & Sink Removed From Police Station

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prison toilet
Cool. Now I can have an authentic Jail cell toilet and sink. I hope they cleaned out all of the convict pee pee and poopy. This is the perfect toilet for me, because every time I poop, it feels like my colon is serving 30 to life. It’s made of stainless steel, but you and I both know that once you get home from Taco Bell, there’s gonna be a stain of epic proportions. Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time! Ha ha ha.

And as far as wee wee goes, you have to drain your dragon in a toilet made for the penal system. Get it? Penal system? Well, I’m off to trade some smokes for my continued virginity.
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Hand-Crafted Coffin Display Case / Book Shelf

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coffin display case
Who says that the art of reading is dead? No really. Who said that? I can’t remember. Well, reading isn’t dead, but that doesn’t mean you can’t treat your books like a corpse and store them in a coffin. This Coffin Display Case / Book Shelf is the perfect place for all of your scary book and terrifying tomes.

It’s a tomb for your tomes. I made a funny! Also made a funny earlier after eating 3 cheeseburgers and 2 orders of fries. Though it wasn’t funny for the pimply-face Burger king employee named Earl who entered with a respirator and a mop bucket soon after I left. The women in my life all be like, “Did you have a salad?” Yes, I did. A “side salad”, which I left on the side as per the name. Any other questions?

Jason Voorhees Coffee Table

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jason voorhees coffee table
Looks like Jason Voorhees was finally put to rest. Inside of this Jason Voorhees Coffee Table. Little known fact. Jason once worked at the grocery store, where he first became known as a slasher. Price slasher that is. That man could knock 3 cents off a can of beans, tag it with the price gun, and you would swear you got 10 cents off. He was that good. That was before he traded in his price gun for a machete.

This killer coffee table comes from Australian company Slaughter FX and it will slaughter your wallet, like your wife suddenly had octuplets and all you have to your name is a Ford Pinto and your paper route. It’s not a time I remember fondly, but there was no way I was gonna let her pin those grabby little Cephalopods on me. That’s a whole other story.

Anyhow the Slaughter FX website lists the table as being sold out, but maybe you can beg them to make you one. They are $600 with a glass top, and $500 without.
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Tentacle Porthole Lamp

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Tentacle Porthole Lamp
There’s a tentacle in my porthole. That sounds like a personal problem to me. Maybe while it’s in there it can give you a checkup. Why you- This post brought to you by the letter V. For the voices. In my head.

Now that the meds have kicked in and everything is going smoothly, I present to you this Tentacle Porthole Lamp. It’s as if a giant Kraken attacked a ship and was nice enough to bring it’s own light for you to die by. This thing is realistic as hell. I feel like I’ve been slimed just by looking at it. This is gonna look awesome in that Kraken themed room I’ve been planning. I have a lot of work to do. Better get Kraken!
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