This Vampire Bat Ring covers my need for brass knuckles and bat jewelry in one handy ring. Bat-Knuckles is really what we have here. Mug me? No way! *BAM* Bat to the face! Now what’s up? Come at me bro! It’s about to get all batty up in this bizzelfry! That’s what I’m talking about! Some bat self defense. Okay, so maybe this bat ring wasn’t made for that, but it’s a cool bonus. This ring will cover all your fingers like you are getting a hug from a bat wing.
Tag: halloween
Billy From Saw Drink Coasters
Oh look, it’s that demented little freak from the Saw movies. Billy the puppet. What kind of sick game do you have for me this time? Protecting my surfaces from spills with these Billy From Saw Drink Coasters? What’s the catch? Will they self destruct in an hour while I have to saw my own leg off?
Oh I know what it is. They protect your surfaces from spills, but then you find out that the coasters themselves have stained your counter! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO. You evil little son of a-.
Oh, I can’t stay mad at you. C’mere and give me a hug. Awww. Come closer. That’s it. There we go. *Shoves his face into the stain.* Don’t you ever f**k with my counter tops again. Bad puppet!
Amazingly Creepy Clutch Bags
Looking for a new clutch ladies? If so, can I interest you in these Amazingly Creepy Clutch Bags? By the way, if you’re looking for a Klutz, I just spilled my drink all over the counter and dropped M and M’s all over the place. Better get me while I’m still single. *Winks* These clutch bags are all so spooky and creepy, I thought I heard a witch cackle and the bubbling of a cauldron. But that was probably the crazy cat lady that lives next door. Great she’s watching a comedy and cooking a pot of chili. Again. The walls here are paper thin. Better get the gas mask since we also share a vent.
These clutch bags all have fun and spooky designs like bats, spiders and cemeteries.
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Scary Skull Cup With Bone Jointed Handle
I can’t wait to have a beer in this Scary Skull Cup With Bone Jointed Handle. The bone handle is jointed… For your pleasure. I don’t even know what that means. I’m operating on the left side of a Twix bar and two red bulls. What happened to the right side of the Twix bar? Both sides are right. And if one side is wrong I don’t wanna be right. Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, this cool skull cup is my new drinking vessel of choice. BRING ME A SKULL FULL OF insert name of some kind of tough liquor that I should be manly enough to drink, but will make me cough and gag.
C’mon, let’s get drunk and slam our skulls together. THUNK! Ow!!!! I meant skull cups. Not my brain casing you stupid- What was I saying? WHO ATE MY LEFT TWIX? I only have the one. Or did I lose the left and I have the right? Why do they give you two? One would be much better for my OCD. I can’t eat it now, even if I could find it. See what you did! Wait. What are the signs of concussion? And where am I?
Black Widow Spider Glasses
Widows are the worst, all sex starved and groping you all the time cuz you’re a man and they need some sweet lovin’, but enough about my short career as a gigolo at a retirement community. These Black Widow Spider Glasses reminded me how grabby those blue haired ladies were.
These glasses are bad-ass, showing the deadly black widow in several poses like it’s a sexy spider calendar or something. I don’t blame male spiders for falling for the black widow’s tricks. I mean, ya see an hour glass on their back, you just figure it’s a tramp stamp. You figure it means she’s up for about an hour of fun and that’s it. Hell, that’s 59 minutes and 30 seconds more than I need.
But no, it means death. *Sad face*