Tag: halloween

Spider Coasters Make You Want To Slam Your Glass Down Hard

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Spider Coasters Make You Want To Slam Your Glass Down Hard
ACK! Kill it! *Slams glass down on the spider, sending grape soda everywhere, mostly in my face!* Oh Jesus! *Puts hand to chest to steady my heart.* Why did I think that spider coasters were a good idea?

*Looks down at my glass.* ACK! Spider in my drink! *Throws glass against the wall where it shatters.* Thank god! *Looks where the glass used to be, Sees spider coaster.* ACK! It was under my drink! *Runs to the fridge, gets another glass, fills it with beer, runs back, slams glass on spider, screams because the spider is still there. Breaks down sobbing.* Why? Why? Why?

Skeleton X-Ray Cat Necklace

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Skeleton X-Ray Cat Necklace
Meow! Meow! Rubs up on your legs, showing off my insides while I put my bony cat-butt in your face. This cool Skeleton X-Ray Cat Necklace shows off the cat’s anatomy so you can get a look at it’s insides. This cat has guts, I’ll give it that. It even has a mouse in there that it just ate. Did someone have yum-yums? Was that you? Who’s the cute kitty with his insides showing? It’s you. Yes it is. *Scratches it under the chin*

BakuForestStudios has several x-ray animal necklaces to choose from. Pretty cool. Pretty cool. I wish I had a cool skeleton cat to pal around with.

Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark Candles

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark Candles
These Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark Candles will remind you to tell some scary stories when the power goes out. I’m only gonna be concerned with one story. The story about how I forgot to pay the power bill cuz I had to buy the new Star Wars figures this month. Let that be a lesson to you kids.

Thank god I only have a pint of curdled milk in the fridge. That was already bad. I think this is based on that Scary stories book by the same name. I have no idea. I scare way to easily. I mean I’m scared of reading. Because I have a powerful imagination. Reading may be fundamental, but to me it’s just mental. Uh-oh. Just conjured up a giant rabbit with fangs in my closet. I’ll be sleeping with my Teenage Mutant Ninja Toads nightlight tonight. Yeah toads. Mom bought the fifty cent knock-off version.

Charlotte’s Web Talisman Necklace With Real Spider Web

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Charlotte's Web Talisman Necklace With Real Spider Web
Check out these Charlotte’s Web Talisman Necklaces With Real Spider Webs. That’s how you get creepy and nasty insects to work for you. Although I asked for my name to be spelled out like three times already and it still looks like a kindergartner with a caffeine addiction. Hell, I could have done that myself and I don’t spin webs out of my butt, but I do wrap up my food in little saran-wrap cocoons super fast using just my front legs. Hey, I dig freshness. That pot roast I cooked last night is fresh as funky beats. It’s gonna stay that way!

Gold Ouija Board Leggings

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Gold Ouija Board Leggings
I wanna slide my planchette all over these Gold Ouija Board Leggings and that’s not just me talkin’ dirty. So go ahead and Ouija yourself! I just wee-jad a little myself. Weak bladder. Really, it’s like a dripping faucet bought from the thrift store at this point. When I was young, that shizz was like I bought it at Home Depot. TMI.

Baby I would love to give you a sweet leg massage while communicating with the other side, so seriously, roll over, let me see what I’m working with here. What? No you look awesome honey. I don’t see any Ouija-toe or nothing.