Tag: horror

Crazy Creepy Scarecrow Masks

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Crazy Creepy Scarecrow Masks
I must be a bird cuz these Scarecrow Masks from darkmasks scare the bejeebus out of me. You know what happens when a bird sees these faces looking at ’em? They just explode in a mess of feathers and guts. That’s how scary these masks are.

This reminds me of that time I did a stand up routine for a room full of scarecrows. You can guess how that went. Yeah, I left them in stitches. I’d offer these scarecrows something to eat, but they’re already stuffed. Yeah, that’s just a little scarecrow humor. That’s the last straw I promise.
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Sticky Note Nightmares

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Sticky Note Nightmares
These Sticky Note Nightmares make me happy that nobody leaves me notes. Aside from the usual “You suck at parking” note anyway. No, YOU suck at parking. That’s why I got here first! You also suck at notes, because there’s no creepy artwork like on these scary sticky notes.

You know what my sticky note nightmares are? Leaving a note that says, “Need Mac and Cheese ASAP – happy face – happy face – I love you.” and then my wife leaves a note that says, “Get it yourself you fat f**k – happy face – happy face. Lose weight.”

Seriously, I think that this could happen one day and it sends chills up my spine. Oh wait, that was just the 64 oz. Slurpee I just sat on. Maybe I am a fat f**k. Food for thought. Wait. Doesn’t food for thought make your brain obese? I best not overthink it. You can also check out this awesome Dark Violin Art.
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Mounted Vampire Bat Head

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Mounted Vampire Bat Head
This Mounted Vampire Bat Head looks good on my wall. I just like that-

*Ding-Dong*

Oh, my pen-pal has arrived from Transylvania. We’ve been writing each other for like 4 years. It will be so good to meet him.

*Opens door*

Good even-ing! I am Count Tofour. You must be the fat blogger I write to for amusement.

Sure am. Here, sit down. Dinner is almost ready. Nice to meet you Count.

Watt is this Bat head zat is mounted on wall? This I do not like. It offends me. Tell me, you are truly tested for clean blood as you said in your letter?

Oh yeah. Clean bill of- AHHHH Get off me.

How dare you decorate with the head of my brethren! I come long way for snack. You are, how you say? Big fat buffet! *Sinks teeth in.*

Necronomicon Leather Book Purse

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Necronomicon Leather Book Purse
Remember kids, reading is fundamental. But reading the Necronomicon is just plain mental. This Necronomicon Leather Book Purse is a good way to get yourself in trouble. Maybe it makes the whole world zombies. Maybe it opens a portal so that Cthulhu and his kind can enslave us all. Maybe it creates a world where dogs and cats get along. Whatever happens, nothing good is gonna come out of this book/purse.

Ohhhhh, except for that lipstick. That shade is to die for. Where’d you get it? I wish I could wear that, my complexion is just too pale. You go girl!
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Dental Phantom Accent Lamp

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Dental Phantom Accent Lamp
Beware the Dental Phantom… I guess cuz he’s just plain nasty and eats light bulbs. This Dental Phantom Accent Lamp is some really freaky interior frighting. He’s got a chrome dome and an appetite for light. These things were used to teach dental students how to turn your teeth into stuff like, yachts, fast cars, summer homes, blow, prostitutes and bail, for those nights when it all goes to hell. Now it’s a lamp that gives you nightmares.