This Skull and Books Planter will make your garden look all classy and Gothic. Is that an Aloe mohawk. Skulls look awesome with plant punk hair. If this guy had a guitar, he would totally rock your garden. The Garden Gnomes would open for him. He wouldbe playing guitar, flinging that plant hair all around. Kicking dirt everywhere…. And then that hallucinogen would wear off, cuz you trippin’ fool! Whoever heard of a skull hard rockin’ a garden? What’s wrong with you?
Tag: horror
Creepy Crochet – Cup o’ Fingers
Cup o’ Fingers anyone? Anybody? No? Too gross? It’s all good, it’s just some creepy crochet that a creeper crafted up. I’m not much into finger food myself. I mean, I’ll eat it with my fingers, sure. Then wipe the grease all over my shirt. What? “Shirts ain’t nothin’ but giant napkins you wear!” Sage advice if I ever heard it. That little gem came from my 400 pound uncle. Probably not the best role model. He was so fat, he had trouble moving, basically had to sit still Buddha style and have food brought to him. Sometimes I would rub his tummy for luck as I passed by. That man wore the same napkin for 20 years… Until napkins stopped fitting him.
Lovecraftian Horror Portal
Getting hungry. I’ll just make myself a nice little healthy salad with some- WHAT IN THE TENTACLED HELL? WHAT FOUL DEMON POURS INTO THIS REALITY FROM YONDER PORTAL? Oh, it’s just another Lovecraftian horror. Phew. Ever since I got this Lovecraftian Horror Portal, horrors have been busting in like Kramer on Seinfeld. *Quickly makes a sandwich. Tentacles scoop it up and retreat back where they came from.*
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Necronomicon Cuff Bracelet
This Necronomicon Cuff Bracelet aka Necronomicuff is pretty sweet. It’s based on the works of H.P. LovesCuffs who also wrote The Cuffs of Cthulhu. It’s pretty cool. Definitely the in fashion statement of the year. It’s perfect to wear to this years Necronomi-con too. I just made that up, so if it ever exists, someone’s gonna owe me money. You read it here first.
I would buy two of these cuffs and wear one on each wrist, so I can deflect bullets with them like Wonder Woman. Pew pew pew! I’m magic! Ow! My wrists! *Falls to knees crying.*
Pinhead Bunny
Holy Jeebus! Pinhead Bunny scares the hell out of me more than raising it. Get it? Hellraiser? Is it Hellraiser or Hellrazor? Nah, that’s just the devil’s Gillette. Anyway, this ain’t no funny bunny? You might call him Hare-raiser! Get it? Man, I crack myself up. Those eyes. That face. That’s gonna be in my nightmares tonight, stoked by the warm fire that is the quart of gin I drank to forget I ever saw this thing. Dude broght his own knives and everything.
I have a plan though. When this thing shows up in my dreams to gnaw at my bones with it’s buck teeth, I’m gonna trick him and Freddy Krueger into killing each other. Then I will finally be at peace. Can’t a guy sleep for one night without freaky freaks invading his dreams?