Tag: just wrong

Goosh Yourself With Goosh Pants

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Goosh Yourself With Goosh Pants
Goosh. It means “The undesired oozing of any substance, such as jelly in a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.” Example: This peanut butter and jelly sandwich just gooshed all over me! Well, these Goosh Pants aren’t oozing PB and J. Looks more like truffle butter to me, but I’m no expert.

These pants are gooshing in the front and gooshing in the back. Duck duck goosh baby! Dude looks like a walking Rorschach test. That’s me by the time laundry day comes around again. I really need to have more than two pair of pants.

Horrifying: Male With Human Hair Beard Hairdressing Mannequin

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Male With Human Hair Beard Hairdressing Mannequin

GAHHHHHH! Kill it! It’s all hairy and looks like a lumberjack, but smells like a girl! This Male With Human Hair Beard Hairdressing Mannequin nearly gave me a heart attack! He/she looks just as surprised as I was! I was just checking out Amazon and things got all hairy!

Hey, how does this thing give you the time? It checks it’s sasqwatch.

But no. I can’t look at it anymore. This is me slowly backing away. Then running like an olympian.

Weird Crawling Alien Figure

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Creepy alien figure
This Weird Crawling Alien Figure is creepy. It’s crawly. It has some sort of fetuses trailing along behind it. Or possibly alien poopy. Maybe both. He probably had Mexican for lunch, which everyone knows, gives humans diarrhea. It does the same for alien males, while also inducing birth.

Which explains why he is crawling around in agony, his guts all in a twist, dropping Cleveland steamers along with his babies. My god the smell! But also the miracle of life. Should we be sickened or joyful? Somewhere Jesus is smiling down over this stinky sulphur smelling miracle of life. I imagine the last kid being pushed out with one last massive fart that hits the alien right in the face, making him pass out. It is now time for the young to feast on their father. By now even Jesus is like WTF and you can tell he’s trying not to hurl. He changes the channel.

Satanic Rites of Gumby and Other Twisted Gumby Art Prints

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satanic gumby
I always knew Gumby was into some bad stuff. He is an evil little clay turd. Here’s the proof. Behold, as Gumby is exposed for what he is. Here he is doing some weird Satanic ritual stuff. I’m not surprised that Pokey isn’t involved. God only knows what sick stuff he did to that little pony. I think they aim to summon clay Satan himself. You know, Clayton. The dark lord of clay.

This print is the work of Etsy seller ActFigPhotog. Click through for Gumby in the Manchurian Candidate and World War Z too.
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UPS Merman Christmas Ornament

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ups merman ornamentWait what? That’s right. A UPS merman Christmas Ornament. I also asked myself why. I have no idea, You know how much weird stuff I see all day long? I could write a blog about it. Oh right. I do.

Hello? UPS? I’d like to make a complaint. I was standing on my porch waiting for the Fedex guy when the UPS guy, a merman by the way, swims up to me, all bobbing and waving in the air. Dude had his shirt unbuttoned and was fondling the hell out of my package. Said his name was Barry-L. He smelled like trout and aftershave. The neighborhood cats that followed the truck as it left that day ain’t been right since. All they do is make left turns now. Dude dripped a small pond on my porch too.