Hey look! It’s Santa in centaur form, sporting a big old booty and a buff chest. The head, arms, and torso are all Santa, but the body and legs are all horse. This basically give him more horsepower so he can deliver presents faster. You know. Like those socks and sweaters that he knows I hate, yet still gets me every year.
He’s magical. He’s mythical. He’s merry. He’s also, apparently, a friggin’ Pokemon. I can’t wait to see what he evolves into next year. He’ll probably have dragon wings and a snake body and turn all evil once the stress of Christmas Eve gets to be too much. Naturally, he will set fire to whole towns. Eventually another mythical creature will have to intervene. Jesus! Who else ya gonna call? FIGHT!
But wait. Here comes Krampus! The carnage! Streets on fire! Reindeers impaled on church steeples!We are all screwed!
Read more “Santaur Christmas Tree Ornament”
The Rough Rider versus the Creepy Cryptid. Sure, Teddy Roosevelt gave a speech with a bullet in his chest, but did you know that he slaughtered his share of bigfoot creatures as well? True story. He was a true patriot and a real monster hunter.
Pissed that you never found a pot of gold from a Leprechaun under a rainbow? I hear ya. I’m pretty pissed about that myself. I chased rainbows for a whole summer once, driving a Ford Pinto, hanging a super soaker out the window, trying to create rainbows on the open highway. No dice. Leprechauns are the tight-fisted cheapskates of the mythical world.