Tag: mythical

Articulated Paper Dolls Depicting Mythical Creatures

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Articulated Paper Dolls Depicting Mythical Creatures
These Articulated Paper Dolls Depicting Mythical Creatures from ArdentlyCrafted are pretty cool. Pfft. If you play with dolls. *Stealthily hides my GI Joe and kicks my Barbie under the desk.* Just kidding. I don’t type on a desk. I type on a computer. Duh! I would look like an idiot typing on a desk all day. That wood has no keys.

Anyway, these paper dolls of supernatural creatures are pretty friggin’ awesome. I plan to put together a whole playset and create a Mythical Wrestling Federation so they can all fight to the death. My money is on the Chupacabra being the last one standing. They also have Bigfoot, a Kraken, Cerberus, a Pegasus and more. They are all articulated too so you can move their limbs and stuff.
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Plush Loch Ness Monster: I Saw It! I Saw It!

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Plush Loch Ness Monster I Saw It! I Saw It!
Oh Nessie, you’re so fine. You’re so fine you blow my mind. Hey Nessie. Hey Nessie. He’s plush. He’s supernatural. Even Leonard Nimoy was in search of him. I’m talking about Nessie. The Loch Ness Monster. Here he is in Plush Loch Ness Monster form. You’ve just had a sighting! Better report that shizz and share your blurry pic. Yeah, looks like a log with fins to me. You can take a pic of your crummy breakfast for instagram, but you can’t photograph a majestic and mythic beast huh? Whatevs.

Oh Nessie, what a pity you don’t understand
You take me by the heart when you take me by the hand
Oh Nessie, you’re so pretty, can’t you understand
It’s plush like you Nessie
Oh, what you do Nessie, do Nessie
Don’t break my heart, Nessie.

Fun Fact: Nessie has a wife named bessie and likes to swim with his daughter Jesse. Can we spot them? Lesee… Damn, I should be a children’s writer. That’s where my skill level is anyway. I so rock the market of the under-developed mind. Takes one to know one.
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Santa Clops Ornament

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Santa Clops Ornament
You better watch out. You better not cry. Better not pout. I’m telling you why. Santa Clops is coming to town. He’s making a list. And checking it twice. He has to check it twice, he only has one eye. Which explains why my gifts are never under the tree and why I wake up on Christmas morning to find half my sh*t broken. His depth perception sucks. Plus he’s a drunk. Either that or he just likes taking a dump in the fireplace.

If you like your Santa ornaments ugly and mutated, this blown glass ornament from Middle of Beyond is for you.

via The Awesomer

These Kraken Heels Are Tenta-Cool

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Unleash The Kraken... Heels
What’s Kraken baby? Your Kraken Heels that’s what? Now you can unleash it whenever you open your closet and put these bad boys on. When you wear a creature from the abyss, the abyss looks back at you. Cuz these shoes have eyes. I feel like a heel after typing that. These shoes are tenta-cool and hopefully not tenta-cruel to your feet. Now you will be taking each step with your tootsies wrapped in the cold and slimy embrace of a sea monster.

If your shoes have eyes, you are looking up your own skirt. Just saying. I hope you get a good eyeful of your own stuff.

Yeti And Werewolf Faux Taxidermy

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Yeti and Werewolf Taxidermy
These Yeti and Werewolf heads are awesome. Why do I need a Yeti or a Werewolf head on my wall, looking like they tried to bust into my room like the Kool-Aid man, but got stuck when their fat heads came through? I just do. With a Yeti head on my wall I can have a Yeti sighting anytime I want. I’ll even go the extra mile and call it in to one of these Yeti sighting hotlines.

“Did you see a Yeti?”
Mocks her tone. Did you see a yeti? Yes. Yes I did.
“Where did you see it sir?”
In my livingroom. It’s looking at me right now.
“Are you in danger sir?”
Me? Pffft. I’m just chillin’ with a beer.
“Sir. You really should take this seriously. You are clogging up the lines for people who are really in danger.”
Whatevs. They don’t exist no how! Thanks for the drunk dialing adventure. Click.

Later that night… *Strange grinding noise is shaking the whole house. Sounds like some weird breathy electric saw too. Turns on the light to see an actual Yeti dry humping and having it’s way with my monster head.*
Oh, Hell no! Bad Yeti. Swats it with a rolled up newspaper. It runs away, darting out a window and leaving my now defiled monster head on the floor.

What the s**t! I guess they do exist!
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