Tentacle Headband

Tentacle Headband
Tentacle Headband sounds like some kind of octopus themed heavy metal head banging group, but it’s not. It’s a cool new piece of head gear that brings you one suckered tentacle closer to Cthulhu. It’s made from wiggly rubber that gives it an authentic and likely gross feel. Which is what you want from a tentacle.

So it will feel like Cthulhu actually has his tentacle on your head. Not in a pervy way. Get your head out of the gutter. Like he’s saying, “You look FABULOUS. So proud of you. Gonna make you look awesome today. Why do you think I’ve waited for like millions of years ya silly goose. The ancient evil of style has awakened more fab than ever.” *Tentacles mimic hand snaps all around* “Let’s do that foundation girl. How’s the love life. uh-huh. Uh-huh!”

Large Spider Belt Buckle

Large Spider Belt Buckle
This Large Spider Belt Buckle is just the spider I need to stand guard outside of my man-junk like a bouncer. What it would be guarding against, I have no idea. You ladies aren’t exactly beating down my zipper. Well, unless you count a few Karate kicks.

Just noticed. This thing has 10 legs. Wait. 10 legs? Just Googled it. Some spiders have 10 legs. WTF? You weren’t creepy and leggy enough? I’m talking to you too Heidi Klum. And you Kelly Ripa.

What has 14 legs, the perfect sized waist, two heads and a cool belt buckle? Answer: Heidi Klum and Kelly Ripa tied together with a belt bearing this buckle while they yak endlessly and slap at each other.
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All 47 Vice Presidents With Octopuses On Their Heads

All 47 Vice Presidents With Octopuses On Their Heads
This ink/watercolor print goes Full Veeptopus. Showing all 47 Vice Presidents with Octopuses on Their Heads. I know what you’re thinking. Why just the Veeps? Every politician acts like they have an octopus on their head.

Well, I have no idea. I just know that the President is a puppet, being controlled by one giant octopus that lives in the whitehouse ceiling. It doesn’t have suckers on it’s tentacles. Because we are the suckers.
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Walking Spider Eyeball

Walking Eyeball Spider
If the Illuminati has spy equipment and you know they do, this is what it would look like. When it’s masters aren’t keeping tabs on the likes of Jay-Z and Lady Gaga, this thing probably wonders into your home to keep it’s eye on you. All because you typed something weird into a search engine. It happened to me, it can happen to you. Hey, I’m a blogger. My search history is supposed to be weird. What’s your excuse?

I bet they named it something cool like Iris. Who do you think taught this Walking Spider Eyeball it’s trade? I have no idea, but it was a good pupil. Are these jokes corny-a? Going now.

Inflatable Gargoyle Halloween Costume

Inflatable Gargoyle Halloween Costume
What in the f**kitty s**tstorm! What on Earth is that Gargoyle doing to you? Oh wait. Just saw the last two images. What are YOU doing to him? I don’t even- It goes from a surprise dry-hump(LOL Look at the terror on that guy’s face. He’s got his hand out like, “Oh nos! WTF is happening?) to an insane struggle that has both of these freaks on the ground rolling around. I’m unsure if this is consensual or not which makes me feel weird.

On the off chance that this ended up being consensual, I wish you both the best of luck. If not. I hope that weird dude feels better soon.
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