Tag: novelty

Phrenology Head Container

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Phrenology Head Container
Phrenology. It’s the study of different spots on the head. I think. Like, this area is where my love of bacon comes from. This area is why I keep missing when I pee in the toilet. That area on my wife’s head? That’s why she punches me and tells me to clean it up. I’m pretty sure that’s what it is. Whatever this strange hoodoo is, this Phrenology Head Container is all about that. Plus, you can put candy inside, or whatever you want. Maybe put a fake brain in there and be all doctor like.

Phrenology. It’s not just for smart people anymore. I can haz too.

Bear Oven Mitts With Claws

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Bear Oven Mitts With Claws
I don’t know about you, but I’m a real bear in the kitchen and if anybody comes near those muffins I’m gonna slice ’em up real good with my bear claws. Then when I’m all done cooking I’m gonna stuff my face full of muffins and exit the kitchen on all fours, dropping a deuce on the way out. Hey, you humans have your traps, I have mine.

You want some muffins, you gotta cross the steaming minefield and make it out again with the prize. But you won’t, because I’ll be waiting. They’re mine! All mine! *Goes crazy and starts slashing the air with my Bear Oven Mitts With Claws, letting out a huge roar!* Sorry about that. Sugar high. Now back to muffins.

Candy Shop Of Horrors

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Candy Shop Of Horrors
Etsy seller GeorgiaPeachdesigns has a real candy shop of horrors, where all of the sugary treats have teeth and bad attitudes. Hey, am I biting you or are you biting me? Stop biting me while I savor your sweetness. This stuff is delicious, but every time I shop here and eat this stuff, my tongue gets all bloody and cut up.

Screw you horror candy. You’re supposed to be a Hershey’s kiss, not a Hershey’s death wish! And you won’t get to the center of that Tootsie Pop. It will bite to the center of you!

Nah. You don’t really eat ’em. They’re earrings and stuff. Frightening!
Read more “Candy Shop Of Horrors”

Runny Nose Shower Gel Dispenser

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Runny Nose Shower Gel Dispenser
This nose nose when you need some shower gel. Just like I know how to pick a winner of a weird item. Heh. Pick a winner. Like boogers. If boogers were a lottery I’d be a millionaire by now. And the wall by my bed would be full of numbered lottery balls instead of dried and flicked nose-nuggets.

Give this big honker a squeeze and it will drip out a snot rocket or two so you can get nice and clean. The Runny Nose Shower Gel Dispenser. drip some boogers and wipe yourself clean with them.

Slithering Snake Cling Ring

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Slithering Snake Cling Ring
Snakes. Why’d it have to be snakes? They make me hiss-terical! This Slithering Snake Cling Ring is all needy and clingy like a girlfriend. I kid. I’m the clingy one in a relationship. Holding onto a woman’s leg while she drags me and tries to get away is just an evolutionary trait that I have developed to not be so lonely.

This terrifying snake will realistically coil around your index finger in the same way, while chomping on your ring finger. Cuz it’s jealous and doesn’t want you wearing any other rings. So don’t! Respect the snake!