Check out these brain pot holders. Now you can pretend you are a mad scientist every time you open the oven. They are just $18. from Etsy seller HauteMessThreads.
Be a brainiac in the kitchen with these handy mittens. Hey that rhymes. I had to really brainstorm to write this article. The whole thing was a hair-brained scheme. By now you want to punch me in the brain. Really brain me hard. Okay, I’m done. As in officially brain dead. NOW I’m done. What was I doing? Brain fart! Ha. Done.
Run for the border with this Realistic Handmade Taco Purse. It is great for holding your taco money. Obviously. It looks delicious.
I’ll just have two tacos to go.
But you already have one sir. Can I get you anything else?
No, see, this taco is not a taco. I need a real taco. Two of them.
Looks pretty real to me sir. Would you like anything to drink?
JUST GIVE ME @&%$**$# TACO! IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK THAT MY BOWELS BE ON FIRE THIS EVENING?
These lizard eye sunglasses will make you look just like our reptilian overlords. You know, the ones secretly in charge of the shadow government. I assume that means that a bunch of bureaucrats are huddled in some dark room doing paperwork by flashlight. I have no idea. But I do know that the lizard people are sending messages to me telepathically via microwave transmissions.
Now they will think I am one of them. Sweet! I’m in the secret society! I will get one on live streaming and rip his fake human skin off in front of millions. The visitors are not our friends!
Then of course they would eat me. Maybe. I’m counting on the fact that I am pumped so full of GMOs and pesticides, that I will take some with me.
Sweet Jesus! This Body Bag costume is going to score me a ton of friggin candy this year. Ding-dong. Door opens. Old lady with blue hair greets me with a smile. “Hello little ones. What do we have here? Let me get my glasses-” Shriveled hand clutches heart area of knit Halloween sweater. Old bones jump. Candy flies up. I position bag underneath that sweet candy rain. Then run.
Effin Necco wafers? Really? Maybe the next house will be better. I’m really behind this year after getting stuck in that morgue for 3 hours. Bonus: That half autopsy they did really adds to the authenticity.
This Crazy Cat Lady Action Figure Set is perfect. I’ve been looking for a suitable mate for my Boba Fett action figure. He is a week away from retirement and looking for that special someone to settle down with.
It’s not all that authentic though. My neighbor is a crazy cat lady, so I should know. The hair isn’t messed up enough and falling out. Plus she’s not barefoot with poop between her toes. Or coming on to me, with that sultry gap-toothed smile. Still, I think Boba will be happy. And he can always put her in carbon freeze if she annoys him.