This Toilet Paper Necklace from Etsy is pretty cool. Even though it looks like it would only give a really tiny person like 3 wipes. 1 if you’ve been hitting the Taco Bell a lot.
I would wear it to remind me to buy TP. I’m always forgetting. Just ask my once proud Scientific American magazine collection about that! I’m getting really tired of wiping my ass with inventor’s diagrams and pictures of the latest stealth aircraft. Yeah, my trash teaches dumpster divers to get a f***ing job and stop being a cheap-ass.
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Pinch a loaf to the sounds of Meatloaf. Sit there crampin’ with Peter Frampton. Fill the bowl to Billy Joel. This is all possible thanks to the Rest Room radio. Just sit back and enjoy the tunes.
It’s never too early to get your kid into art. You might as well start when they are in the womb, by painting weird and creepy scenes on that baby bump. That kid isn’t doing anything now aside from hurting your back and robbing you of precious minerals. Might as well make a weird statement on that belly, so you can embarrass them with pictures later in life. You can find the Belly painting kit 
We’ve all been there. You get out of the shower and you wipe your face on your towel and for some reason it smells like butt. Eh, probably nothing. Just keep wiping. A few hours go by and you find a small constellation of hemorrhoids forming on your lower lip. Now you got butt-crud all over your face. All because someone else used your towel as dental floss for their crack.
It’s ducky dump time for this little bird making turds. He’s clearly been there for a while. He hasn’t even opened that roll of toilet paper and he has all kinds of reading material and a mug. Not enough roughage.