Lather up and bath in the blood of a kidney. Get nice and clean, yet feel dirty, like some surgeon working out of a back alley, who takes his bloody work home and washes his naughty bits with it. It’s Bloody Kidney Soap. Yay? Looks authentic.I wonder if it smells authentic. Probably not since you don’t want a soap that tastes like urine.
Tag: novelty
Alien Salt Pepper Shaker Set
Season your meals with flavor that is out of this world with this Alien Salt Pepper Shaker Set. *Opens my eyes as I wake up in bed* Hmmmm. So you came for my salt and pepper did ya? Traveled light years just for that? Well, I could have told you you weren’t going to find that in my anus. Sheesh! Hey, where ya going? I didn’t say I wasn’t game for some probing still. *Lays on my stomach and shakes my heiney* Get back here! Oh I see how it is. You got what you want and now you’re done with me. Whatevs! Have fun with the high blood pressure from all that salt.
Ouija Board Coffee Table and 4 Planchette Coasters
This Ouija Board Coffee Table is cool and all, but every time a spirit has something to say, one of the planchettes knocks my coffee over. Then I ask, “Are you done?” and it hovers over the word NO. Seriously? It seems to be okay with me drinking wine and spirits though. This table comes with 4 planchette coasters so your drinks can be carried around the table like a cat riding a roomba. Every time you try to grab one it slides away cuz it’s trying to spell out Pepsi cuz it disagrees with your soda choice. What the hell man.
Might as well have planchette races with this table and bet on which one delivers the message first. Of course the good thing about a Qija board table is that you can use food too. Drop an onion ring and watch it slide around spelling out words. Drop some spaghetti and watch as the pasta becomes letters. Spooky.
Zombie Stompers – Zombie High Heel Shoes
These Zombie Stompers – Zombie High Heel Shoes are great for stomping zombies. Obviously. They have a cool gradient green design and graveyard scene. I mean, that’s how they start out anyway, but after you stomp a few zombies in the head, they’re going to be all red and gooey. You are walking death to the undead. Or would you be un-death to the undead? I’m confused.
Universal Monsters Pen Holder
This adorable Universal Monsters Pen Holder is going to look great on my desk. It has cute versions of Frankenstein, Wolfman, the Bride and Count Dracula, who says, “I vant to hold your pens!” Although his accent makes it sound like he said penis, so bonus laughs for that. You can find him doing stand up on the Transylvania circuit. Sure, you could use it for your peen, I guess, but not recommended. You should never stick it in a box full of monsters. Sticks to pens and pencils.
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