Awesome. These Bride of Frankenstein Knee Socks would make me feel like I’m really married to this freaky haired vixen. Oh my… Mrs. Frankenstein are you trying to seduce me? The way you hug my leg, the way you warm my knees… Take me you monster and reanimate my cold dead heart!
They fit women’s shoe size 5-10. You ladies are going to look sexy in these socks. Monster-licious!
Do you feel dirty watching those horror flicks? There’s so much blood and gore, you feel like you need a shower right? So invite your horror friends into the shower with you, with this Horror Characters Soap Set. The heads of Jason, Leatherface, Freddy and Michael Myers will lather you up and get you clean. Spoiler alert: Freddy don’t like cleaning your taint. Leatherface doesn’t mind.
This Hanging Bat Night Light is gonna look cool as guano on a winter night in your batcave. It’s a fruit bat against the full moon. Which sounds like a great movie title.”Fruit Bat Against The Moon” in 3D. Who would win? The moon of course cuz the bat can’t breath in space. It was probably a bad choice to fight the moon then. Stupid bat.
This is a Zombie Killer Bike Badge. I’ve been trying to earn one all day by mowing down pedestrians, but I guess I live in a zombie-free neighborhood. There was one old lady who had sores on her mouth who was shambling like the undead, and I thought for sure she was a zombie, but nope. Just a case of the herp and dementia. Then I realized I could just buy the badge. Boy is my face red. Also the front of my bike. Very red. And the streets.
Damn son! This Ileum and The Ostomy Plush is… Well, I had to look up what an ileum was and it’s the third portion of the small intestine aka your poop chute. This plush is like Homer’s Iliad, an epic hero’s journey…
This epic saga recounts the journey of our hero, Feceus. We begin near the end of our hero’s passage, in Ileum (the small intestines).
When Feceus tries in vain to reach the outside world via the rectum, he finds his way is blocked. He valiantly fights his way into the colon but can get no further.
The clever Feceus takes his mighty scalpel and severs the colon in twain! He then takes the end and pushes it through the abdominal wall to create a new exit into the world!
This new exit became known as the Stoma in this tale,
The Ostomy!
So yeah, that happened. Nice bedtime story.