This Ancient Vampire Fossil goes back to the days when vampires had nothing to bite but dinosaurs. That’s how they went extinct. Duh! It wasn’t a meteor. You can see his or her vampire bat wings, the bones, even a tail. All fossilized and ready to display in your home. Some vampire probably fell in a tar pit while trying to bite the neck of a brontosaurus. Brontosaurus moved it’s neck and Vampy fell down. All so you could decorate millions of years later. My math may be off a little.
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Tag: novelty
Large Octopus Brooch
I’m not afraid to brooch the subject. This Large Octopus Brooch is the bee’s knees, Cthulhu’s tentacles, Medusa’s locks, Frankenstein’s bolts. Too scared to wear it? Don’t be an octo-puss! This guy has eight arms to hold ya with baby. Plus he’s all ink splattered, like a pen exploded in his face. I hate when that happens. He was probably just writing in his diary and SPLAT, day ruined. Don’t let your day be ruined by missing your chance at a cool accessory.
Palmistry Lampshade
Check out this cool Palmistry Lampshade. If I was a Palmist I would be all like, “Talk to the hand cuz the face don’t understand.” And I would have palm trees all over my reading room. No, not those palm trees. Palm trees that have human palms on every branch. And I would take Palm Sunday off, just cuz that’s what a Palmist does. And I’ll put Palmolive on the table and say, “You’re soaking in it!” And I would be able to tell from your palm who killed Laura Palmer. How many palm jokes can one man right? I don’t know, but I’m on fire like Napalm!
Actually, I’m tuckered out now. Not gonna palm it off on someone else. Just gonna stop. Not even a hairy palm joke. But I will say that I have no qualms about hairy palms.
Dog Faux Taxidermy Heads
Boy are my dogs tired. Guess I better retire them and put their barking heads on the wall. These Dog Faux Taxidermy Heads from LisaPay look pretty realistic. What? A Boston Terrier? You’re barking up the wrong tree! I’m more of a Great Dane man. More like I love a great danish. You put these trophy heads on the wall and people will think that you are a dog serial killer. I don’t mean a dog that goes around killing people and calls himself the Zodiac Shiatsu. I mean it will look like you are the sicko. Anyway, nobody will ever catch the Zodiac Shiatsu or the Ted Bundy Beagle. They are too crafty.
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Twin Peaks Coloring Books
That gum you like is going to come back in style. Really? Cuz I prefer ABC gum. Already Been Chewed punk! *Grabs gum out of the midget’s mouth and pops it in mine.* These adult Twin Peaks Coloring Books are pretty awesome. And that’s a damn fine cup of coffee too. I can’t wait to color the log lady and give her a Hitler mustache.