Tag: odd

Vampire Repellent Necklace

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Vampire Repellent Necklace
Vampires hate garlic. That’s why I eat garlic bread every night of the week. Saved my life many times. Like that night I saw a shadowy figure and I hissed like a wild cat, spreading my garlic venom through the air toward him. Naturally, he retreated at the same time I continued on my way. That time it was just a reflection of myself in the store window, but still. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of bites to the neck. This Vampire Repellent Necklace will help too.

Vampires hate garlic and they hate garlic clove pendants. They won’t mess with garlic in any form. That’s why you never see any Italian Vampire chefs.

Pro tip: Always watch who’s buying the garlic products at the grocery store. That’ll tell ya who isn’t a bloodsucker. Anyone that does not buy garlic definitely needs to be followed home and staked. By a professional of course. Don’t try that at home.

Vampire Demon Tombstone Statue

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Vampire Demon Tombstone Statue
This Vampire Demon Tombstone Statue is exactly what you need if you have a vampire/demon to bury. It has a crazy gargoyle/demon on top just so there’s no doubt that this is a Vampire’s grave. To bad you can’t customize the gravestone.

Here lies Dracula.
Killed by a stake on the end of a spatula.
His life was spectacular.

Here lies a filthy demon
He died while screamin’
The cross against his chest was steamin’

The Wooden Tarot Card Deck

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The Wooden Tarot Card Deck
*Grabs my new Wooden Tarot Card Deck. Gets ready for my next customer to come in the shop.* Good day sir. Let us consult the cards and divine your future. Wanna cut the deck? I have a full house, how about you? Never mind, give me those back. *Shuffles like a madman* Hmmmm. This card is interesting.

Is it the death card?

Nope, Go fish! JK JK. No, it’s the fool card. Very appropriate since you paid like $200 for this session. Now shhhhhh. I’m concentrating. No. No. It’s gone now. Hmmmm. Did you recently come into some money recently?

Actually yes I-

Can you shut up? I’m trying to give you a reading here? Sheesh.

You will meet a tall and handsome stranger, but that’s just me. Congrats by the way. I hear I’m really awesome to be around. Hmmmm. This is very interesting. I see you in a relationship. I see a woman in a kitchen. This card says that she’s waiting.

That is my wife. She expects me home for dinner in an hour.

What is for dinner? Let me draw the card. Is it steak? Spare Ribs? Sueeee-wheat! I am starving! We’ll continue this over dinner.
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Gargoyle Claw Back Scratcher – There Will Be Blood

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Gargoyle Claw Back Scratcher - There Will Be BloodThis Gargoyle Claw Back Scratcher comes in several different colors. All will scratch your back like a crazed Gargoyle. They will scratch that itch, whether it’s a seven year itch, or other itch. Okay back scratcher, you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours. Looks like you don’t have a back, so it’s gonna be all me. Oh yeah. It’s the Itchy and Scratchy show up in here. Oh yeah, right there. Harder. Harder. A little deeper. There ya go. *shakes it’s hand and puts it back on the shelf.* Was it as good for you as it was for me?

Spooky Apothecary Jars

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Spooky Apothecary Jars
Hey, check out these cool Spooky Apothecary Jars. Are you listening? Do you even apothe-CARE-y? I know ya do. Just funning with ya. Which is similar to joshing you, but with no Josh required. These scary looking jars are going to look great on your shelves if they are as full of cobwebs as mine are.

There’s Vampire Juice, Witches Brew and Spider Poison. Among others.

I’ll Use the Witches brew to lure a Vampire, then make him drink the V juice, (That’s not dirty. Just sounds dirty) and have him administer the spider poison, so I can clean up all of those cobwebs! Why are they called cobwebs anyway? I never see them on corn cobs.