Kraken Octopus Ring

Kraken Octopus Ring
Unleash the Kraken! Well, you didn’t have to give me the finger while wearing a Kraken Octopus Ring. That’s not a very nice way to unleash the Kraken. Then again, now that I think about it, there’s probably no polite way to unleash the Kraken. And I really have to stop barging into rooms and shouting that.

You would think I would have learned my lesson after rushing through my bathroom door and shouting it. The plumber was still crouched over the toilet, and he had already unleashed his hairy Crack-en. *sigh* Some phrases sound cool, but should never be uttered.
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Classic Monster Cuff Bracelets

Classic Monster Cuff Bracelets
Allison Taylor Designs makes these Classic Monster Cuff Bracelets for monster loving wrists. They make all kinds of cool jewelry, but we really dig these. I saw these and I was all like, “I’m here to turn myself over to the jewelry police. Cuff me. I’m guilty.” Okay, so they are more for the ladies. Your point? I think I’m man enough to pull it off. Putting it on is another matter! Okay, that joke fell flat. It was just off the cuff. Not really myself today if I’m honest. Need more coffee so I can be more cuff-einated.

Okay, that joke was totally on the cuff, so I ain’t gettin’ in a huff. Don’t believe me? Wanna call my bluff? Just an idiot with a blog, sayin’ stuff. And now, that’s enough!
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Cute Cactus Creatures

Cute Cactus Creatures
Creepy Cute Cactus Creatures Cause Chaos. Try saying that 5 times fast. Ever take LSD and then stare at your cactus plants and watch them come to life and crawl out of their pots? Yeah, this is like that, but without the LSD. Awww. Look at the cute cactus people. Let me pet you. Ow! How can you be so cute and your hair be so stabby?

These big-eyed plants just want to hang out in your home and look awesome. I’m pretty sure they won’t crawl out of their pots, but you better put them in a cage to be sure. When a cat rubs up against your leg it’s cute, when these guys do it, you get cactus needles all over your leg. And don’t sit on them!

Garter Snake in Glass Snow Globe Display

Garter Snake in Glass Snow Globe Display
Forget snow globes. Snake Globes are better. This Garter Snake in Glass Snow Globe Display will let you safely have a snake in the house that you can admire. Without having to run away screaming. This guy is posed like he meant to get trapped in that globe. He’s got a smile and everything. Looks like a damn snake school yearbook picture. He was voted most likely to succeed…in getting frozen in time and being gawked at by humans. Good job.

Licki Brush Lets You Lick Your Cat Back

licki brush
The Licki Brush. What’s weird about this? Doesn’t everybody put a fake tongue in their mouth to lick their cat? I know if I don’t lick my cat at least once a day, she gets ticked off. What? Oh, okay. Let’s just get all of the p**** licking jokes out of the way. Are you done yet? *Sigh* So immature.

Anyway, you have to use this device to lick your cat, cuz otherwise you get hairballs. And a human hacking up hairballs is a nasty sight. Trust me on that one my friends. Not that I’ve ever used a similar device. I just heard things. What are you trying to imply? Look, I ain’t no dirty cat licker! Thems fightin’ words. Put up your dukes. I’m gonna- *ACK….ACK…COUGH* Now that that’s out of my system, and all over your floor, come at me bro!

Video that you can never unsee below.
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