Tag: odd

Hyper-Realistic Old Man Sculpture

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Hyper-Realistic Old Man Sculpture
Damn, that is one realistic old man sculpture. He looks just like the guy that shook his fist and told me to get off his lawn yesterday. Hey, when you gotta go, you gotta go. At least I brought my own bag. I’m not an animal. It also looks like that guy who was trying to pay at the Post Office in pennies, but then realized he wanted to mail the pennies. I guess I’m age-ist because all these old people look the same to me. They all shout the same way too. They also all drive through Dunkin Donuts windows the same.

This guy is freaking me out, like he wants to lure me into his old-person-smelling home with hard candy, and tell me boring stories for like 3 hours. 2 hours I don’t mind, cuz it’s good candy, but learn how to edit. I give most of the stories 2 out of 4 stars cuz they lack monsters, dragons and Star Wars stuff.

Damn, that is creepy realistic. I can almost see him reaching for his change purse to see if he has enough to pay for those 11 items in the 10 items or less lane.

Beetlejuice Rotary Phone

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Beetlejuice Rotary Phone
This Beetlejuice Rotary Phone will be ringing off the hook as BJ tries to get in touch with you and make you say his name three times. I’m not falling for that again. I just refer to him as BJ these days, but it’s causing some trouble in my life.

*Looking at action figures at a flea market.* See anything you like? *Eyes the Michael Keaton figure.* Yeah, how about that BJ? *SMACK* What the deuce lady! Oh I get it. Sorry.

*Planning a romantic evening with a hot babe* Wanna watch a movie? Sure, which one? I’m thinking something in an extended directors cut. Soooo, maybe a really long BJ. That might be nice. *SLAP* Hey stop clawing my arms up and kicking me. Fine we can watch a romantic comedy! Damn.

Yeah, I really have to come up with a better name for you know who.
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Haunted “Walking” Possessed Doll Named Amy

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Haunted Walking Possessed Doll Named Amy
Check out this old 50s style doll on ebay. The seller thinks it’s haunted and that it’s a 3 foot tall demon baby:

Since I’ve had this doll in my house, I’ve felt very uncomfortable.

Are you sure that’s not gas. Cuz gas can do that. I have a terrible pain in my side right now that I know was caused by Taco Bell.

I bought this because I thought it was creepy…but I had no idea. The first night it was in my home I had a terrible dream of it walking with a stilt towards my room, and since then I’ve been experiencing extreme dread when I go anywhere near it.

Wait what? Walking with a stilt? Just one? So it was hopping on a stilt making a super loud racket? Are you sure it wasn’t a pogo stick? As for the extreme dread, you might want to consult your hairdresser. I don’t have dreads, but I hear they can be a pain. Maybe you just had too much cough syrup? It happens.

I’ve also heard screams coming from the room she’s in, and have had odd things happening around my home (objects will be moved, fire alarms going off, etc.). I feel that this doll is haunted, but I don’t have anywhere near enough experience to be able to tell anything about it. The only information I have is that I haven’t been able to get the name “Amy” out of my head, so I feel it could be related. Ultimately, I want this out of my home.

This happens to me too. It’s called “being drunk”. I’m kind of a pro athlete at it. The drink will wear off soon enough. Amy is probably the name of your drunk spirit animal. Mine’s name is Clarence. They should totally get together.
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Arachno-Crafts: Spiderweb Skulls

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Arachno-Crafts Spiderweb Skulls
Spiders are making skulls now guys! These Spiderweb Skulls are some real web-heads. I’ve heard that if you sit real still, while a spider is on your head, this can happen. The spider is basically 3D printing your head. These come in black and white. Pretty cool.

No, not really. Just the thought is creepy as hell. If you ever go outside and see a spider web in the shape of a skull, run. Don’t look back. Just run and never stop until you get to another state or country. Hopefully a place where they know how to kill spiders. Then alert the authorities about the web, so they can destroy it before the spider turns it into a full fledged skeleton. Because once something like that gets animated through black-spider magic, there’s no stopping it. It’s just a web skeleton piloted by a spider sitting in the cranium area, snacking on a fly, walking through our neighborhoods. Creeping us all the hell out. Before you know it, they take over the world and create a nightmare World Wide Web of darkness and destruction. *Shudders* It can happen. Are you ready?
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Crocheted Skull Scarf

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Crocheted Skull Scarf
This Crocheted Skull Scarf lines your neck with a row of soft skulls, like you’re some savage wearing the skulls of other people. People made of crochet, who your people have no doubt wiped out in the name of fashion. You are gonna look super stylish. Skulls are in this year. How do I know? Every runway model is sporting one. And since they barely eat, you can see the whole thing on their gaunt faces.

Yeah, you gotta rock the skulls. And I don’t mean doing a drum solo on your noggin. Although that’s pretty fun too. Even if you have a headache for two weeks. I would wear this scarf. I like it so much I would scarf it right up. I ain’t spinnin’ no yarns.