Tag: ooak

This Teddy Bear Has Teeth

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

artist teddy bearLike seriously. A lot of freakin’ teeth. You might want to put braces on that bro. His name is Eustace and he is seriously creeping me out. He’s all black gums and teeth. I swear, I can hear him going all nom nom nom and clicking those teeth as he moves closer-*jumping out of my flabby blogger skin*

Nevermind. That was my grandma asking how much medication is too much. Same answer as always granny. If you can interact with me, you need more. And for the last time, my name is not “false teeth clicking” mixed with “gum smacking” and followed by an old person sigh.

Anyway, where was I? I have no idea. Neglecting old people is tough work. Oh yeah, this thing looks like it posed for a mutant yearbook. He is most likely to succeed…In biting your face off.

More pics below
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Freaky High Five: Frankenhand

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

FrankenhandIt’s Frankenhand. Give me five. Now down low. You’re too slow. Talk to the Frankenhand, cuz the Franken-face doesn’t understand! This $79 monster hand from Etsy seller StarvedRavenMad wants to be your new best friend. His mouth is all stitched up, so he won’t talk much. Just kinda look at you with those sad eyes, wishing he could eat.

As you can see, he makes a great jewelry holder. And if your spouse doesn’t like it, they can always put a glove on it. Click through to see more images.
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Shriek Chic: Leather Monster Belt Bag

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

leather monster bagIf you want a monster on your hip, you don’t have to give birth and tote a crying baby around, who is smacking and kicking at your ribs. Just buy this leather monster belt bag for $150. on Etsy. It is grievously gross and horrendously horrifying. Just a bunch of bloodshot eyes and a foaming slobbering mouth full of fangs.

Monsters get hungry, so keep all your stuff in there and keep it well fed, so that it doesn’t turn on you.

Click through for close ups of those eyes and that horribly detailed slobbering mouth. Or I could just show you a pic of me with a hangover. Really no difference.
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Black Tar Fetus Sculpture(Impaled With Syringes)

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

fetus tar sculptureWell, what can you say about the $185. “black tar fetus sculpture”? This poor guy was tarred, but interestingly, not feathered. Luckily for him, the tarring made a sweet superhero-type mask on his face, even if it is burned into his flesh.

And that is how an average fetus became…The Feto-Bandito! Fighting for truth, justice and anti-tarring everywhere. Here we see his final moments, when his arch enemy defeated him with more tar and some syringes. Here he utters his final words, “Feto-Bandito..*cough-cough*..is…finito!”

It is a sad hero whose origin story is also his death story.

Possessed Demonic Boots Crave More Soles

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

possessed bootsThis is a killer pair of boots. Literally. They are pre-possessed by some demonic entity and have already absorbed the soles of the boots. Now they are ready for more. The devil wear Prada my ass! This is what the devil wears. Apparently he isn’t much for comfort.

On the upside, paying $300 for these boots is nothing since the devil already owns the souls of so many bankers and corporate butt-wipes. More images below.
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