When not selling pieces of what is left of his soul in Hollywood and staring at people until they say, “Im’ma smack you Nicolas Cage!”, this is what he looks like. Exposed! I exposed you. How do you like that, you unblinking, smoothed face tool of the Illuminati? (I don’t know that he is an Illuminati tool. I just know he is a tool. And obviously evil)
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Tag: regretsy
Can You Hear Me Now?: Body Part Earrings Make You All Ears
These body part earrings make quite a statement. They say, “I want- No, I NEED more ears than anyone else. But I only want to dig wax out of two of them.” These earrings are eerie. Get it? Don’t ya just lobe them?
Personal log. Stardate: who the f knows because I sleep in everyday until dark and can’t see the clock radio through the laundry pile… Speaking of ear wax, I’ve just shoved the Q-tip in too far. Again. My attempt at getting enough wax to make an ear wax candle for my Etsy shop is not going well. Not at all. And the voices in my head have started again….
Shhhhhhhh.
Nevermind. False alarm. That was just talk radio being filtered through two pairs of crusty underwear. Is something moving in that pile. *grabs a baseball bat* I’ll be back.
Black Tar Fetus Sculpture(Impaled With Syringes)
Well, what can you say about the $185. “black tar fetus sculpture”? This poor guy was tarred, but interestingly, not feathered. Luckily for him, the tarring made a sweet superhero-type mask on his face, even if it is burned into his flesh.
And that is how an average fetus became…The Feto-Bandito! Fighting for truth, justice and anti-tarring everywhere. Here we see his final moments, when his arch enemy defeated him with more tar and some syringes. Here he utters his final words, “Feto-Bandito..*cough-cough*..is…finito!”
It is a sad hero whose origin story is also his death story.
You Can’t Un-see The See Through Man Sweater
This see-through sweater makes the observer feel like the lead astronomer at the nipple observatory. See man-nips in all their gory glory. Experience the full effect of exposed sweaty man hair around an exposed sweaty man belly button. Sadly, this $24.99 Man sweater leaves nothing to the imagination.
More disturbing images after the break.
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Kangaroo Scrotum Keychain
This nifty Kangaroo Scrotum Keychain sold for $33 the other day. If a rabbit’s foot gives you luck, I wonder what a Kangaroo scrotum will deliver. More to the point, why are we mutilating things to increase our own luck? Oh well, who am I to complain? If this guy wants Kangaroo balls in his pocket, swinging around next to his junk, who am I to judge? Maybe he’s hoping to become the next pocket pool champion and he’s cuing up these Kangaroo nads for the game of a lifetime. Dream big my friend. You can accomplish anything if you set your mind(and the family jewels)to it.