Tag: skull

The Skull Chair Awaits It’s Next Victim

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

skull chairWhat manner of skulduggery is this? You mean this is a skull that I can actually sit in? I think those teeth might hurt my butt. That guy looks pretty comfortable though. He’s just chilling, reading the sales circulars. He looks so relaxed he appears to be on the verge of dropping a Cleveland Steamer, but he forgot to take those mailman shorts off. That’s gonna be messy.

Okay. Looks comfy. I’ll take one. And I promise not to get so relaxed that I poop myself. It doesn’t have a tongue right? I’m not playing some weird fanny tickle game with my furniture.
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Uskulls Are Full Of Junk, Just Like Your Real Skull

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uskullUskulls are clear skulls like that one in Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull movie that sucked, but they have your stuff inside.

Hoarder: I wish I could store as much crap in my head as I do in my rat-infested home.

Uskull rep: Now you can. Introducing Uskull. It’s you. In a skull. Have crap? We will put it in a clear skull, so that you can display said crap among your other knick knacks. It will compliment your piles of moth-eaten newspaper and also goes well with rat turds and cat corpses. Only $375.
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Mrs. Skeletor, I Presume: “Purgatory” Skull Heelless Wedges

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Skull Heelless WedgesThese $150. “Purgatory” Skull Heelless Wedges are named all wrong. They are clearly from Hell and forged from the souls of one hundred tormented shoe designers. You will be hell on heels, that’s for sure. Oh wait. No heels here.

Is this what’s hot this summer? Women are already taller than me when they wear platform shoes. Now, they are gonna be taller than me and look like a friggin’ demon.

Oh hello, I hate blind dates, what are you looking for in a man?*looks up at the goth Amazon princess. And up. And up. Neck hurts. Ow!*

*Eyes rolling back in her head. Voice like Barry White talking through James Earl Jones.* A virgin that can be kicked about the scrotum with skull wedges and then sacrificed to appease my ancient lord.

Well, that sounds like me. And since no one is raising their hands to make love to me real quick-like(I asked), I’m out!

Get the check b*tch. I’ll leave a tip: A virgin will easily outrun you in Skull wedges! Ha ha! I live to be celibate another day! Not much of a victory, but whatevs!
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If You Like It, Put A Cathedral Ring On It

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

cathedral ringNothing says love like putting a giant cathedral on her finger. Plus, now your betrothed can punch a fancy church right through your eye socket when she catches you cheating. This thing even has gargoyles and a skull. It probably even has a little priest that comes out and blesses you every hour.

It will cost you $6,500.00 from Etsy seller MetalCoutureJewelry, but it will be bigger than anything her friends are wearing.

More images below.
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These Skull Purses Are A Real No-Brainer

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cool skull purseEtsy seller PoisonedStudios makes all kinds of cool skull purses that are frightening and fashionable, if you don’t mind carrying a cranium around with you. The Steampunk Skull shown above is $500.

They look like they could have been created from actual skulls, but they aren’t. Right? I mean, serial killers aren’t allowed to sell their crafts on Etsy. Right? Yeah, they are just really good artists. I kid. I kid. No need to hunt me down and make my brain pan hold your Maybeline and some travel tissues. Sorry. Only a numbskull would say that.

Click through to see some of their other cool skull purses.
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