Tag: spooky

Scary Skull Cup With Bone Jointed Handle

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Scary Skull Cup With Bone Jointed Handle
I can’t wait to have a beer in this Scary Skull Cup With Bone Jointed Handle. The bone handle is jointed… For your pleasure. I don’t even know what that means. I’m operating on the left side of a Twix bar and two red bulls. What happened to the right side of the Twix bar? Both sides are right. And if one side is wrong I don’t wanna be right. Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, this cool skull cup is my new drinking vessel of choice. BRING ME A SKULL FULL OF insert name of some kind of tough liquor that I should be manly enough to drink, but will make me cough and gag.

C’mon, let’s get drunk and slam our skulls together. THUNK! Ow!!!! I meant skull cups. Not my brain casing you stupid- What was I saying? WHO ATE MY LEFT TWIX? I only have the one. Or did I lose the left and I have the right? Why do they give you two? One would be much better for my OCD. I can’t eat it now, even if I could find it. See what you did! Wait. What are the signs of concussion? And where am I?

Black Widow Spider Glasses

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Black Widow Spider Glasses
Widows are the worst, all sex starved and groping you all the time cuz you’re a man and they need some sweet lovin’, but enough about my short career as a gigolo at a retirement community. These Black Widow Spider Glasses reminded me how grabby those blue haired ladies were.

These glasses are bad-ass, showing the deadly black widow in several poses like it’s a sexy spider calendar or something. I don’t blame male spiders for falling for the black widow’s tricks. I mean, ya see an hour glass on their back, you just figure it’s a tramp stamp. You figure it means she’s up for about an hour of fun and that’s it. Hell, that’s 59 minutes and 30 seconds more than I need.

But no, it means death. *Sad face*

Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark Candles

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Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark Candles
These Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark Candles will remind you to tell some scary stories when the power goes out. I’m only gonna be concerned with one story. The story about how I forgot to pay the power bill cuz I had to buy the new Star Wars figures this month. Let that be a lesson to you kids.

Thank god I only have a pint of curdled milk in the fridge. That was already bad. I think this is based on that Scary stories book by the same name. I have no idea. I scare way to easily. I mean I’m scared of reading. Because I have a powerful imagination. Reading may be fundamental, but to me it’s just mental. Uh-oh. Just conjured up a giant rabbit with fangs in my closet. I’ll be sleeping with my Teenage Mutant Ninja Toads nightlight tonight. Yeah toads. Mom bought the fifty cent knock-off version.

Gold Ouija Board Leggings

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Gold Ouija Board Leggings
I wanna slide my planchette all over these Gold Ouija Board Leggings and that’s not just me talkin’ dirty. So go ahead and Ouija yourself! I just wee-jad a little myself. Weak bladder. Really, it’s like a dripping faucet bought from the thrift store at this point. When I was young, that shizz was like I bought it at Home Depot. TMI.

Baby I would love to give you a sweet leg massage while communicating with the other side, so seriously, roll over, let me see what I’m working with here. What? No you look awesome honey. I don’t see any Ouija-toe or nothing.

Coffin Instrument Cases

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Coffin Instrument Cases
These Coffin Instrument Cases are perfect if your band’s name is the Grateful Dead, or The Dead Kennedys, or… I can’t think of anymore. Must be the ADD I’ve heard so much about. And then promptly forgot. Where was I? Ohhhh there’s an orb in that image. Well, now we know there’s a ghost attached to this instrument case. Cuz everyone knows that floating dust particles are ghosts.

Maybe it’s Roy Orbison! Or ELO. You know, Electric Light Orb-chestra! I crack my self up like Humpty Dumpty falling off a wall. I’m a bad egg.
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