Tag: strange

August Body Mirror With Skull

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

August Body Mirror With Skull

This August Body Mirror With Skull is a tall mirror. Why you can only use it in August, I have no idea. But I’m a rebel. A rule breaker. I will use the s**t out of this mirror in July! Maybe in June too. What do you think about that? BAM! That’s what’s up!

If you like skull decor, this mirror will make sure that there’s always a skull looking at you while you ask if you are too fat. And compared to him you will be. He’s all bones. *sigh* I need positive reinforcement. I also need some waist reinforcement. Time for a new belt! I think I’m gonna need a wider mirror too.

Creepy Jumping Spider Face Mask

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Creepy Jumping Spider Face Mask
Excuse me while I put on this Creepy Jumping Spider Face Mask and jump around the room, freaking everyone out. Behold my giant mandibles and spider-hair! Hey, spiders have hair! Why don’t they ever do anything with it? You never see a spider with a mohawk. Or a well-trimmed beard. I think that would make them even more scary. They need little spider beauty salons.

Spider mask,
Spider mask,
I’ll wear it whenever a human asks.

Spin a web, out my butt
Jump around like a spider nut.

Look Out!
Here comes the Spiderman.
Read more “Creepy Jumping Spider Face Mask”

Alien Coasters Abduct Stains From Your Surfaces

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Alien Coasters Abduct Stains From Your Surfaces
The truth is out there. No, really. Everyone knows. And the truth is that your counters and surfaces are nasty. Is that a pool of bright neon glue on your table or year old Mountain Dew? Also, there appears to be a fly stuck in amber on your coffee table. That amber looks a lot like spilled-beer build-up.

Anyhow, ya gotta love that title I put on this post. Alien Coasters Abduct Stains From Your Surfaces. Do I mean furniture or the surfaces of my body, since I just spilled soda all over my shirt? I have no idea. Basically a monkey could run this blog and sometimes he does when I’m passed out in front of the TV with a mouthful of Cheetos and Netflix asking if I’m still watching. Is he any good? Depends. I mean he needs some. He’s really good at leaving s**t in my chair and drawing on my face with sharpie. But he does use a coaster.

Interior Frighting: Crazy Skeleton Chandelier

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Interior Frighting Crazy Skeleton Chandelier
This Skeleton Chandelier is made from plastic and bone molds. Only hang this up if your house has good bones. Get it? Pretty cool chandelier though. I find those bones humorous. *Crickets chirp* I’m just ribbin’ ya. This thing is perfect for any home, but especially if your house already looks like it came out of a horror movie.

*Sits down to eat dinner. Jaw bone falls from the ceiling and sinks into mashed potatoes. Shakes fist at chandelier. Picks bone out and goes back to eating.*
Read more “Interior Frighting: Crazy Skeleton Chandelier”

Snail Shell Helmet Will Make You Slow And Slimy

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Snail Shell Helmet Will Make You Slow And Slimy
Wanna be a slow and slimy warrior princess? Just wear the Snail Shell Helmet. Weird antenna things not included. You wear this and you’ll become a shell of your former self. Also, they’ll send it to you via snail mail. I do love this helmet though. They totally snailed it! You better make a snail trail to this helmet now before it’s gone- Oh wait. I turned my head and it barely moved an inch. Yeah, forget what I said. You have time.