This Zombie Cow Butter Dish is utterly amazing. see what I did there? Did you know butter is made from milk. I can’t believe it’s not utter. Heh. Let’s see how many utterly useless utter jokes I can make about this awesomely weird butter dish. I can’t believe I’m about to utter this, but I admit that I love it. More of a pork chop guy though. You know, the utter white meat. I could go on all day, but you don’t want that and neither do I. That would be an utter travesty.
Tag: strange
Weird Franken-Baby Doll Head Lamp
ACK! Get that baby away from me! Go Franken-baby! Get out of here! *Swings my torch at him and jabs my pitchfork at him.* This is a face that only a mother could love. Yeah, a blind mother f***er! If you’re looking for something nasty and horrible to light up your room at night, look no further than this Weird Franken-Baby Doll Head Lamp.
*Shudders* I need therapy just from seeing this thing. It has like a Jack-O-Lantern carving in the back of it’s skull too. Also seems to emit the blue light of a hundred souls that it has devoured.
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Scary Doorbells For Your Haunted House
Man, I need a new doorbell. The one I have is louder than a church bell. People are all like, “Why you so nervous?” And I just shake in response. My nerves are on edge. I mean the edge of the edge. I’m a nervous wreck. These Scary Doorbells have to be quieter than what I have. Plus, they are all scary and awesome.
Etsy seller Occulence(Oh I heard of them. That’s that VR thing right? The Occulence Rift? I don’t know what I’m saying. Disregard.) has all kinds of cool and creepy doorbells for your home. They’ll help you get your ding-dong in order if you know what I mean.
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Pumice Stone Skull Candle Holder
This Pumice Stone Skull Candle Holder is awesome. Looks like an old grey castle where a witch lives. I bet my wife is moving in there. It looks pretty cool all lit up. Like it would talk to you in a booming voice that only you can hear.
WHO DARES AWAKE THE MIGHTY SKULL OF DOOM?
Uh…Me? I guess me, yeah.
OH! WELL COME BACK IN AN HOUR, I”M BEAT!
Stoned more like. Get it? Cuz you’re made of pumice?
YOU HAVE DISPLEASED ME MORTAL! RETURN UPON ONE HOUR AND I SHALL SMITE THEE WITH MY ANCIENT POWER!
*Waits for it to fall asleep again then smashes it to pieces with a hammer.*
This is why I can’t have friends. *Sigh*
*Sweeps the ancient evil up in a dustpan and dumps it into the trash.*
These Winnie The Pooh Face Masks Are Nightmare Fuel
When you think Winnie the Pooh, you think cute and cuddly right? Or if you’re immature like me you just hear the word pooh and giggle behind your hand like a Japanese schoolgirl. Well, this new line of officially licensed Winnie the Pooh ‘relaxation masks’ are creeping people the hell out. Relaxation? The only thing these masks relax is my spastic colon, making me mess my pants. These terror inducing masks look like something a serial killer would wear.
No way I’m sleeping tonight. Gonna be seeing this behind my eyelids all day. Posting pictures of yourself wearing these masks has become a thing in Japan. You can probably find them online, cuz I can’t look at any more. I took a nap earlier and saw woke up in a cold sweat just as these freaks were raising their knives to me in my dream. I say dream. I mean nightmare of epic proportions.
via Neatorama