Awww. Look at the cute little Alien Xenomorph Plush Toy. Sit. Good boy. Roll over! Good job. Play dead! Why aren’t you doing anything? *Attacks my face.* ARGHHHHHHH! Get off me! Get off me! Fine, I’ll play dead. Damn! Surely this smiling and soft little Xenomorph wouldn’t hurt anyone. Well, aside from what’s left of my face. Seriously, it’s all good. Take this guy off my hands. Please? I have to sleep with one eye open. C’mon guys. Somebody take him. Didn’t even leave enough face for a Facehugger!
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Tag: toy
The Creature From The Black Lagoon Super Size Action Figure
Super size me! What- Not french fries and a Coke, but I’ll take those too. I’m talkin’ a super sized monster for your toy collection. The Creature From The Black Lagoon Super Size Action Figure. Dude stands 22 inches tall. This is one purchase I won’t feel Gill-ty about. I’m gonna take him in the bath tub with me too. What? Dude needs moisture constantly. Ain’t nothing wrong with a little man and Creature action in the rub-a-dub-tub!
It beats that cheap knock-off version my mom got me called Preacher From The Black Lagoon. You can only pull the string and hear a sermon somany times before you have to kill it with fire. He did have a kick ass preacher outfit dripping with seaweed though.
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Baby Cthulhu Toy Art Dolls
Well, looks like Cthulhu spawned some more little terrors. Dude needs to keep his tentacles in his pants. These Baby Cthulhu Toy Art Dolls look cute and cuddly, but they will probably suck your face off and use your nose as a pacifier while the rest of your skin just dangles. While you’re running around screaming without a face. Nasty, I know. It’s how they roll. They should be named pestilence and death. Get ’em away from me! Okay, they’re cute, but totally not worth the loss of my face.
Handcrafted Critter Horror Toy
Look. A Critter Horror toy! Critters are the worst. You get with the wrong woman in the wrong part of town and you got nothin’ but critters all over your junk and the pharmacist is all like, “This’ll get rid of ’em” so you lather your firepole and bean bags up real good and nothin’. You still got critters everywhere, bitin’ and itchin’, making your junk feel like a whopper cuz it’s all flame broiled down there at this point. These guys are nasty.
Cute Velvet Bat
Damn, that bat is hardcore cute! Put this Cute Velvet Bat in your belfry, car window, pocket, whatever. Who doesn’t love bats? The insects that they eat. That’s who. Otherwise everybody loves a bat. What? You don’t love bats? What’s wrong with you? What, are you batty? This guy looks like a little bat Dracula. Bat-cula.