Tag: toy

Pinhead Bunny

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Pinhead Bunny
Holy Jeebus! Pinhead Bunny scares the hell out of me more than raising it. Get it? Hellraiser? Is it Hellraiser or Hellrazor? Nah, that’s just the devil’s Gillette. Anyway, this ain’t no funny bunny? You might call him Hare-raiser! Get it? Man, I crack myself up. Those eyes. That face. That’s gonna be in my nightmares tonight, stoked by the warm fire that is the quart of gin I drank to forget I ever saw this thing. Dude broght his own knives and everything.

I have a plan though. When this thing shows up in my dreams to gnaw at my bones with it’s buck teeth, I’m gonna trick him and Freddy Krueger into killing each other. Then I will finally be at peace. Can’t a guy sleep for one night without freaky freaks invading his dreams?

UFOrb Flying Saucer and Alien Figures

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UFOrb Flying Saucer and Alien Figures
ProgressiveProducts makes these cool UFO ring boxes so you can present the ring and propose the right way! The right way being nerdy as hell with a hint of X-Files. But they also sell cute little aliens that fit right into the cockpit of these UFOs. These are some classy and out of this world desk toys or decorations.

I guess they are also perfect for you if you want to propose to an alien. They will be super impressed by your ring presentation.
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Cthulhu Priestess: Our Lady of Squid

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Cthulhu Priestess Our Lady of Squid
This Cthulhu Priestess: Our Lady of Squid figure belongs on your altar. I know you have one cuz you worship Cthulhu. Well, now you have another deity to pray to. You know why her religion is taking off so fast? Cuz her church is full of suckers! Get it? Ha ha ha. Suckers. *crying* I really crack myself up. But really, this is Cthulhu’s wife so, it’s legit. I’m pretty sure it is sanctioned by the church and everything.

Our Lady of the Squid,
hallowed be your name.
Your tentacles come,
your will be done,
on earth, as it is in the sea.
Give us this day our daily terror,
and forgive us our non-tentacles arms….
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Baby Squidlet Toy Figures

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Baby Squidlet Toy Figures
What up Baby Squidlet? You aint nothing but talcum powder and tentacles. Stop your squirming squidlet. You aint even wearing a diaper. Probably cuz you just wipe yourself like crazy with those tentacles when you make a dukie. I wish I had that kind of butt-wiping action, but no, I have to go through like a roll of TP just to break even and even then I still have mudd-butt. You are gonna look awesome in my curio cabinet.

Beagle Bonez – Crazy Bonez Skeleton Dog

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Beagle Bonez - Crazy Bonez Skeleton Dog
I got chills when I saw this Crazy Bones Skeleton Dog, cuz I thought yet another animal that I buried was coming back from the pet cemetery. I think I’ve had enough. I only have room for so many skeletons in my house and the neighbors are starting to wonder why I take skeleton dogs for long walks. Also, every time the doorbell rings, they all have to freeze and act like they’re supposed to be taxidermy decorations. Once the door closes again and I come back in the room, it’s like a moving mass of bones everywhere. Cat skeletons climbing all over me, dog skeletons sniffing each others bone-holes, turtle skulls going back in their shell, parakeet bones flying around…

It all started with a dog hit by a car and an ancient burial ground. I may have also hired a witch and made a bad deal.
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