Tag: undead

Zombie Flamingos: The Squawking Dead

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zombie lawn flamingo
These Zombie Flamingos would look awesome in a zombie trailer park. Hey, that’s a great name for a band. Ladies and gentlemen! The Zombie Flamingos! We’d get on stage, rock out super hard while our flesh rots off, against a trailer park backdrop all foggy and lit by the full moon, and at the end we would all balance on one leg like Flamingos do.

Too bad I’m way to busy with this blog. Plus, I just tried to book a few gigs and no trailer park will let us play there. I guess only hurricanes and shotguns are welcome. Whatevs. I’m ordering some of these zombie birds for this Halloween.

Zombie Head Candles: Do I Smell Brains?

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zombie candles
These small zombie candles look like Simpsons zombies. Sure, you’ll smell their brains burning, but at least you get to watch some heads bleed and melt. The seller says that their names are Homer, Eyegore, Homer with blood and Fergal.

You can get them with or without blood splatters. They are perfect for Halloween or as a stress reliever. Call me crazy, but there’s something soothing about watching heads melt. Maybe that’s just me.

Zombie Toilet Brush and Zombie Head Holder Set

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zombie head toilet brush holder
This Zombie Toilet Brush and Zombie Head Holder Set is just what you need to keep a clean toilet during the zombie apocalypse. And you have a lot to keep clean ever since you made the local gas station restroom your HQ.

You’ll be sitting and squeezing in the last stall on the right, cramping up something fierce as you try to unload your cargo after 4 burritos and a Mountain Dew. And those zombies pushing at the barred door aren’t making it any easier to unleash your crap kraken. But rest easy knowing that as soon as you drop that load of diarrhea like a mud meteor, you can walk over to that door nice and calm, open it and shoot some corpses dead again until all is quiet. Then you can clean up the mess you made all over that stall and seeping into the next, with this toilet brush set and vow to eat better.

Sadly, you won’t be wiping between your mud-flaps since the nearest toilet paper is 2 towns away. But at least your restroom HQ is a little cleaner.
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Zombie Bride Bustier: Nice Brains

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zombie bustier
The undead bride-to-be is going to look lovely in this Zombie Bride Bustier. I didn’t know that zombies took brides, but looking at the brains on this one, I can see why they might. You don’t get brains like that unless you study hard and stay in school. Well, I guess a zombie plastic surgeon could augment what you have and give you a bigger brain-cup though. Anywho, you will be the “Walking Down The Aisle” Dead in this outfit.

Dead, undead, alive, it’s all the same. Within a year she will be yelling at you to clean up the dishes and complaining that you don’t bring her fresh brains anymore.
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The Anorexic Dead: Zombie Barbies

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zombie barbies
Hey, it’s Barbie. The doll that spawned a thousand eating disorders. Now she’s a zombie and wants brains. Well, she has always needed a brain, she just wasn’t smart enough to know it. Now she will rip it from your dead and bleeding skull just like she did with Ken’s nut sack.

You can choose from Lindsay Nohand, Britney Speared, Messica Simpson, ZooEYE Deschanel and more. Funny thing is, Barbie is eating better as a Zombie than she ever did as an ordinary waif/trollop. If she keeps eating those brains she might actually put some meat on her bones. It would be rotting corpse meat, but still.
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