Tag: unique

Poisoned Apple Witch Spell

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Poisoned Apple Witch Spell
Cool. I always wanted to know how to make a poisoned apple. Now I can, thanks to this handy Poisoned Apple Witch Spell. Nah, I’m not gonna poison anybody. That would be bad. It’s just a good trick to know. Let’s say someone is going to mug me in an alley. I’ll offer the dude an apple. If he still mugs me, he deserves what he gets. He’ll take my wallet and a bite of apple before he runs off. Then I’ll just follow in the direction of where he ran, eventually stumble on his corpse and retrieve my wallet.

You took a bite of the apple son. I took a bite out of crime. Deal with it loser.

Or I could, you know, just display this thing in my house during Halloween. Yeah, that’s morally the better choice. Probably.

Pink Mounted Werewolf Head

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Pink Mounted Werewolf Head
What can I tell ya. It was the 90s. There was a rave. A Werewolf attacked. So I took the pacifier out of my mouth, shoved my lightstick down it’s throat along with some X and this guy got less bloodthirsty. He’s all like, I wuv you man. I weally weally wuv you. I ever tell you that?” We partied all night then I took his head and decorated my house with this Pink Mounted Werewolf Head.

He’ll never raid a rave on a full moon again!
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Skeleton Brooch With Scarf

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Skeleton Brooch With Scarf
Is it cold in here or is my Skeleton Brooch With Scarf just crazy? You should have seen him last week, when he was wearing a moo-moo with an Indiana Jones fedora. Yeah, he’s just crazy! Stop dressing up ya old coffin dodger! Next you’ll be singing show tunes. *He starts singing show tunes. I cover my ears.* Fine! Fine! Wear whatever you want!
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Ancient Vampire Fossil

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Ancient Vampire Fossil
This Ancient Vampire Fossil goes back to the days when vampires had nothing to bite but dinosaurs. That’s how they went extinct. Duh! It wasn’t a meteor. You can see his or her vampire bat wings, the bones, even a tail. All fossilized and ready to display in your home. Some vampire probably fell in a tar pit while trying to bite the neck of a brontosaurus. Brontosaurus moved it’s neck and Vampy fell down. All so you could decorate millions of years later. My math may be off a little.
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Palmistry Lampshade

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Palmistry Lampshade
Check out this cool Palmistry Lampshade. If I was a Palmist I would be all like, “Talk to the hand cuz the face don’t understand.” And I would have palm trees all over my reading room. No, not those palm trees. Palm trees that have human palms on every branch. And I would take Palm Sunday off, just cuz that’s what a Palmist does. And I’ll put Palmolive on the table and say, “You’re soaking in it!” And I would be able to tell from your palm who killed Laura Palmer. How many palm jokes can one man right? I don’t know, but I’m on fire like Napalm!

Actually, I’m tuckered out now. Not gonna palm it off on someone else. Just gonna stop. Not even a hairy palm joke. But I will say that I have no qualms about hairy palms.