These Cryptozoology Keychains let you put some crazy cryptids in your pocket, Like Bogfoot. Oops, I mistyped that. Meant to say Bigfoot. Bogfoot is a mythical beast that lives in the swamp, therefore keeps stepping in the bog. Anyway, these keychains are kind of fun. Pick your favorite and put your keys on. You can choose from Bigfoot, Yeti, Kraken, Nessie and more. No Mothman though, cuz he flew toward the light and was never seen again. I don’t recognize some of them.
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Tag: yeti
Ugly Christmas Sweater Onesie: The Abominable Snowman
Awesome. I can finally get that Abominable Snowman Christmas Sweater Onesie I’ve always wanted. I mean aside from my birthday suit, which is a mass of furry grey hair. People were always mistaking me for the abominable snowman at that nudist colony I got kicked out of. It didn’t help that I would jump out of the bushes, growl, and steal food. Then the internet arrived and I no longer had to join clubs like that to see nudity. I love you internet. *Hugs my computer and gives it a little kiss.*
Yeah, this thing is white and furry and full of ornaments. Just like my grandma’s head after the Christmas tree fell on her in 2006. Good times. Hey, is that a heart on the crotch that says “Kiss me”? That’s classy as f**k! I see a cookie cutter on the left shoulder too. No, I mean their left. Your right! And when you’re right you’re right. I need to buy this.
Bigfoot Christmas Ornaments
Have a Bigfoot sighting on your Christmas tree. Without hitting the alcohol I mean. You can get these Bigfoot Christmas Ornaments singly or as a 3 pack. Ohh la la. Menage-a-squatch.
Jingle Bells,
Yeti smells,
Sasquatch laid an egg…
Actually that was me. Sorry about that. Eggnog gives me gas.
Bigfoot Research Kit
*Removes “Gone Squachin'” sign* I’m back and you’ll be happy to know that I’ve bagged a Bigfoot. It took a few drinks and a story about how I was in the CIA, but she eventually came around. The bag was strictly for my protection, because her feet weren’t the only things about her that were big and ugly. Oh, I also caught a Sasquatch.
Turns out all you need is the “In Search Of” theme music mixed with the “X-Files” theme music and a poster of a half naked Dana Scully nailed to a tree. Oh and this Bigfoot Research Kit helps too. Just makes you all official.
Well, I’m off to teach it sign language and how to get snacks from the convenience store. They won’t even notice the difference from when this hairy ape goes in and fills a cart with slim jims and doritos. They’ll probably ask if I got a haircut.
Bigfoot Chia Pet: Cr- Cr- Cr- Cryptid
Now you can have a Bigfoot sighting on your kitchen counter top or table. This Bigfoot Chia Pet has traded in his stinky fur in for some green herbs. It looks like a stylish Sasquatch business suit that he grew himself. Plus it makes a comfy bed. That he can wear and poop in and stuff, while he’s rubbing his big old Bigfoot butt against trees. I wish I could wear my own bed. How com the Sasquatch can just drop and sleep wherever he is and I can’t?
I’m making my own Chia suit. Not only will it be super comfy, but it will definitely make me smell better too. It beats the one I’m wearing now. Makes me all itchy. I picked a bunch of leaves near some geek convention or something, because the sign said Poison Ivy. Bah. I didn’t see any hot cosplayer covered in greenery or even Batman. Man, I’m really itching and burning. Should I be able to scratch clear down to my bone like that, through a blistery and bloody hole?
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