Author: Artemis Winterford

Makeup Artist Sticks Googly Eyes All Over Her Body

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Makeup Artist Sticks Googly Eyes All Over Her Body
So this happened. Great googly moogly! This woman stuck googly eyes all over her face and torso. Her optometrist is gonna be very confused. My main concern is that all of those eyes are gonna strain themselves and need glasses. Or monocles. She’s gonna need to buy like 500 monocles.

Hey, you like to cover yourself with googly eyes? I don’t judge. Stick ’em on and shake yourself about. That’s what it’s all about. This and the hokey pokey. She’s like a rattlesnake shaking and rattling. You’ll put an eye out! I bet her name is Iris. If you want to learn how to do this yourself, you’ll have to learn from her and be a good pupil. Heh. Enough eye jokes.
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Monster Head Soaps – Scream While You Clean

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Monster Head Soaps - Scream While You Clean
These Monster Head Soaps come in a bunch of characters. There’s Wolfman, an alien, zombies, mummies, and more. I got a couple of these myself cuz I like to have somebody to talk to in the shower. And if I don’t like what they say? Well, let’s just say I have a very clean butt-crack and no more sass-talk from the Wolfman. You feelin’ what I’m scrub a dub dubbin’?
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Bigfoot Kidnapping Gnomes Statue

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Bigfoot Kidnapping Gnomes Statue
When one mythical creature starts kidnapping other mythical creatures, you know things are bad, as evidenced by this Bigfoot Kidnapping Gnomes Statue. Technically it’s gnome-napping. Which is a misde-minor. Get it? Misdemeanor… Misde-minor cuz their so small. He’s probably gonna take them back to his cave or stick-hut and cook them for dinner. Maybe he just wants company too. Or slaves. Maybe he’s gonna make them build him a Bigfoot castle.

Wood Coffin Keychains

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Wood Coffin Keychains
These Wood Coffin Keychains are perfect for your car keys. If you drive a hearse. Also perfect for your house keys. If you live in a funeral home. Better “dead” bolt that door once you get inside though. Also perfect for those keys that you have that are no longer useful. In other words, keys that are dead to you. Ha. I could go on all day, but I’m late for therapy. Once I showed up and it was shock therapy. Cuz the therapist was so shocked I got there on time.

Ouija Board Skull Planchettes

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Ouija Board Skull Planchettes
Etsy seller RavnCotinoCreations sells these cool Ouija Board Skull Planchettes that have a great bird skull design, glass legs and a glass window. Cuz you might as well up your style when communicating with spirits. They don’t like that cheap Parker Brothers crap. The only way this would be cooler if is the bird skull opened it’s beak and spoke what the board was spelling out. Bird, meet board. Board, meet bird. Now do your thing.
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