This Alien Head Planter makes fun of those grey alien abducting psychos, by giving them some crazy plant hair. Probably make ’em jealous too, cuz they don’t have hair and rogaine doesn’t work on their planet either. They might want to consider growing plants in their heads cuz that killer hair makes ’em look all cool, like it’s blowing in the wind like some 80s heartthrob.
The truth is out there and it’s friggin’ weird!
This Raven Claw Wall Mounted Hook is gonna come in real handy. I’m gonna mount it low on the wall and use it to scratch my back. You can use it as a coat hook, a jewelry hanger, you can put a crystal ball in it’s talons and make it look all creepy. It’s awesome cuz it looks like a bird just punched through your wall and is trying to grab at you. Just be careful when installing it. You have to be very talon-tid. ha ha ha ha ha. Not really that funny, I know. You know what is funny? Hanging one of those fake scrotums you see on the back of pick-up trucks in it’s talons. I am such an awesome interior designer! No need to thank me.
Ooooo-la-loch ness.Nah. Nessie isn’t in this Calendar of Sexy Monsters, but many other sexy beasts are here. Like a werewolf, the Blob, Bigfoot, a Xenomorph, the creature from the black lagoon and more. That’s a monster a month and it lasts a whole year long. Which is coincidentally what I say about the wife’s menstrual cycle, but that’s another story. Gotta go rub her feet or she’s gonna beat me up again. The stairs! I mean, I’m gonna fall down the stairs. I’m just clumsy. Coming dear!
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You best learn how to survive the apocalypse. Cuz when it all goes down, you need to know how to navigate hordes of zombies,while poppin’ a cap in their heads with your pistol in one hand and slicing their heads clean off with a samurai sword in the other. You also have to learn how to keep finding twinkies and cheetos in the apocalypse, but that’s another story. Better stock up now is all I’m saying. This Zombie Survival Manual will tell you everything you need to know. I’m moving to the mountains right now and stocking up on TP. You should too.
Is it a book or a wallet? It’s both. A Frankenstein Book Wallet. Book ’em Franky! Now you can keep all of your important stuff in this wallet that looks like a book. That way no one will steal your stuff, cuz people don’t read anymore. In fact, I don’t even know what this book is about. I just call books paper movies that I will never see. No, I’m not Ill-literate. That means a sick person who reads. How dare you excuse me of fancy book learning.
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