This Alien Necktie has just left Saturn and is headed toward your anus. I mean Uranus. So… Just make sure you hide your hide. Like my dreams, this tie is full of little green men and stars. Your boss will hate it because it isn’t boring and stupid. Which is exactly why you will love it. That’s okay, cuz your boss is stupid. You know why? Cuz he doesn’t have this tie. Basically he sucks. Don’t be like him.
Author: Artemis Winterford
Stone Skull Cross Pendants
These Stone Skull Cross Pendants from wayanbrothers are badass. What up Damon! What up Marlon! It’s a crucifix skeleton. A Skele-fix. A Crucible of cruci-bones. A cross of calcium. It’s stone cold awesome. Let’s make a petition so that priests have to wear these. I just need your signature right here. Boom! You been scammed bro! You just signed up for a pyramid scheme and I’m at the top, watching all you slaves build the pyramid. Faster! Faster slaves! Oh dang! There’s a guy above me and he just got all the profits. No wonder the Egyptians gave up on pyramids.
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Monster Light Switch Cover Plates
*Flips switch* Ow! Cut my finger on the teeth again. Ow! Damnit! Now I probably have an infection from Monster saliva. What the hell. I didn’t need the lights on anyway. Gonna use candles from now on. Stupid Monster Light Switch Cover Plates. Plus, that puddle of drool/saliva on the floor under the light switch is probably a safety hazard. These guys still aren’t housebroken. And I’m sick of brushing their teeth once a month! That’s more than I brush my own.
If you don’t mind all that, you can choose from this one or this one.
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Freddy Krueger and Jason Voorhees Piggy Banks – This Little Piggy Went Kill, Kill, Kill
Horror pigs! Pigs of horror! These Freddy Krueger and Jason Voorhees Piggy Banks from PigPatrol are a great way to save your money. This little piggy went to Elm Street. This little piggy went to Camp Crystal Lake. Both wallowed around in s**t and eventually got cut up for bacon, but that’s another story. You know what Jason piggy says? “Oink oink oink. Snort snort snort.”
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Skeleton Hands Napkin Holder
Everybody put your skeleton hands together for this Skeleton Hands Napkin Holder. It uses both hands to hold your napkins and looks like it is doing so while raising out of a tar pit. When it has no napkins to hold, it just looks like it’s getting ready to clap. Stop giving yourself a hand and give me a napkin already Skeletor! Thanks! High five! No, stop clapping. No more! Stop! Why do you keep giving me the clap?
That came out wrong. I don’t have the clap. You… Stop having the clap. That someone gave you. Shut your stupid claptrap!