Author: Artemis Winterford

Zombie Tarot Cards

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Zombie Tarot Cards
Look at the Zombie Tarot Cards. What do you see in my future? Is it bad? Is it the death card? Worse? Ohhhh the undead card. That sounds worse somehow. I’m just gonna shoot myself now, cuz all that walking around that zombies do looks wayyyy too tiring.

The upside is, if the zombies rise up, we can all attach our fitbits to their rotting wrists and brag about all the miles we’ve walked. People would be all like, “Then why are you still so fat?” Two words. Thyroid condition. Yeah, so back off.
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4-Port USB Skull Hub

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4-Port USB Skull Hub
I like my USB hubs to look like I just dug them up from a graveyard, so this 4-Port USB Skull Hub is right up my cranium. I mean alley. Not only does it have 4 USB ports, but you can use the top to hold some of your desk junk because like me when I blog, this guy doesn’t need to use his brain.

You can do what you want, but I’m giving this guy googly eyes and calling him Bones. He can call me Kirk. Damn it Jim I’m a Skull not a googly-eyed doctor!

Humpty Dumpty Halloween Weirdness

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Humpty Dumpty Halloween Weirdness
Here’s something to get egg-cited about. Etsy seller AllysonNagelOriginal makes all kinds of weird, but cool, Humpty Dumpty porcelain figures and scenes. I hear they were still making these figures right up until Yolk-o broke up the band and left things scrambled.

These figures are fun. They make me want to do the Humpty Dance with all of you. *Some woman in Iowa gasps in horror, then calls the police to try to stop this mass orgy before it happens.* Chill lady. I mean it in a non-pervy way. For once. Check out the bonus video below.

Do the Humpty Hump, come on and do the Humpty Hump.
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Custom Notebook Panties

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Custom Notebook Panties
These Custom Notebook Panties can be customized with any message you want. They make your lower area look like notebook paper.

I got a pair of these for myself recently, so I can write the great american novel and display it on my backside. Only tweet sized. Problem is I have writers block so I had to order several pairs.

It was a dark and stormy night… Ugh! Crumbles panties up and throws them in the trash can. Then remembers they are panties and retrieves them to throw in the hamper. Loads up another pair in my old-timey typewriter.*

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Hand Of Glory Candle Holder

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hand candelabra
This hand of glory candle holder should be very handy when the power goes out. As long as some wizard/mad scientist doesn’t re-animate the thing. I don’t mind a weird re-animated hand pinching my butt so much, it’s the setting fire to my pants that I have a problem with. *Runs around like a cartoon, trailing smoke and jumps in a tub of cold water.* Ahhhhh. That’s much better.

I actually used to have one of these, but then I high-fived it and set the drapes on fire. Now I’m not allowed to have fire-things.
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