Author: Artemis Winterford

Light Up Sculpted Body Parts

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Light up sculpted body parts
Artist Kate MacDowell makes all kinds of creeptastic stuff. It will give you nightmares and live on in your head long after you see it. Kind of like a date with me. These light up body parts are pretty freaky. Reminds me of that time I swallowed a powerful flashlight for my Halloween costume and ran around buck naked with my insides glowing. There were a lot of alien sightings that night.

Did not come across Muldar and Scully, but someone caught me and erased my memory of the rest of the incident. That someone was alcohol.
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Frankenstein Monster Stitches Tights

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Frankenstein Monster Stitches Tights
If you want to look like a mad scientist cut you up and stitched you back together, check out these Frankenstein Monster Stitches Tights. They are scary sexy. They’ll leave you in stitches. For real.

These are perfect for cosplay or just for everyday wear when you want to look like a leggy monster. Who doesn’t want to look like a leggy monster?

Creature from the Black Lagoon Action Figure

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Creature from the Black Lagoon Action Figure
This is the Creature from the Black Lagoon Action Figure that I’ve always wanted. One thing I never understood. Why is his lagoon black? Oil spill? I have no idea. I’m gonna get this guy and call him Gill. *Crickets* Get it? Gill? He’s got gills. *Silence* Tough room. Well, not that tough. I think I could take you all in a fight. If I was allowed to run home first and work out for like 2 years straight and come back.

Roses are red,
violets are maroon.(Color blind here.)
You always have to clean your carpet,
If your guest is the Creature from the Black Lagoon.

Gold And Silver Vampire Rings

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Gold And Silver Vampire Rings
This jewelry has bite. How annoying would I be with these Gold And Silver Vampire Rings? Putting my hands against people’s necks and telling them, “I want to suck your blood!” before getting punched in the Nosferatu. It would be pretty cool to wear these vampire choppers.

I’ll give one to my special vampire girl and she’ll say, “Fangs a lot! You really stoke the fires of my heart.”

Is your heart named Bram? Cuz I’m a real Bram Stoker and you have all the right vampire lestats!
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Kraken Flasks

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Kraken Flasks
You are never drinking alone when you have a Kraken clinging to your bottle like a wino best friend saying, “Come on ya tosser. Give us a drink! I ain’t had too many no how. Give us just a lick.” These Kraken flasks from Etsy seller Elstwhen are krak-a-laka Kool.

*Glug glug glug.* Hey, why does my booze taste watered down and like Cthulhu backwash? You better lay off my hooch you big Octo-puss or I’m gonna play a little game I like to call Kraken-smackin’!
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