These Jesus bandages better turn by bloody gash into wine, cuz I only have like a dollar. I’ll slap Jesus on my fresh wound on my arm, give him like 2 minutes, cuz miracles take time, then rip it off and start sucking that sweet nectar from myself.
*Spits blood everywhere!* What the hell JC! Great, now I’m a vampire.
Check out these cool Nightmare Before Christmas Clothes. The nightmare before Christmas is Christmas Eve. You can’t sleep, you can’t open anything. All you can do is lay awake, making your presents soooo much better in your head than they actually are. That’s the nightmare!
I would totally date Sally. The great thing about Sally is that no matter what you say, you’ll always have her in stitches.
Read more “Nightmare Before Christmas Clothes”
Damn! This Crazy Alien Skull Statue is freaking me out. This would be a kick-butt home to the world’s most badass hermit crab. Can you imagine a crab walking up to you wearing this thing as a house? That is some end times apocalypse stuff right there.
With or without a crab, this thing will look awesome on your desk. Cuz you know, freaky alien skull.
Fun fact: Like the hermit crab, my hips can anchor in my doorway, but I’m just not strong enough to carry the house yet.
How now brown cow. You look like you got run over with a plow. I don’t think this Cow Skin Rug is made from actual cow skin. There’s no way to know since the seller’s add says absolutely nothing.
I’m gonna go ahead and guess it was a leftover from some UFO cow mutilation, cuz I know sometimes they just toss the leftovers out of the ship, like that time I saw a UFO and a cow fur suit fell from the sky. I put that baby right on and ewwwwww! Just like thrift store clothes, I shoulda cleaned it first. It was like an icky squishie pair of footy pajamas with hooves.
What can you do but shake your fist at those alien bastids and walk home in utter shame?
The folks over at zedszombieranch sell these cool Skeleton Candle Holders, which make skeletons your slaves, effectively making you the king of skeletons. You might say you’ll have a skeleton crew. I made a funny. I made a funny. I laughed so hard, I also made a not so funny in my pants, but that’s TMI. Also TMT. Too Many Tacos. Clean up in aisle me!
Get yourself a skeleton army and some candles to go with them.