Author: Artemis Winterford

Burned Freddy Krueger Skin Nikes

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freddy krueger burned skin nike shoes
If Freddy Krueger escapes the dream world and starts chasing you, you can run away in style while wearing these Burned Freddy Krueger Skin Nikes. They feature a cool print of Freddy’s burnt skin, but not the soles of those he tormented. Heh! I made a funny.

Seriously though, these sneakers are pretty awesome. You’re gonna look like you have burnt Freddy feet. Make sure you wear them in your nightmares. Freddy is either gonna love these and have a beer with you or hate them and cut your ankles off to take them from you because they will be just his size. They look like meat, but are for your feet.
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Beer Keg Urinal

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beer keg urinal
This awesome Beer Keg Urinal lets you put the beer back where it came from in the first place. Buy beer keg, drink beer, pee beer back into keg. The beautiful circle of life. I mean beer. It makes a great gift. You can’t miss with a beer keg urinal. Well, actually you can. Helps to have a target. Like a crushed can urinal cake.

When I first saw this I thought it was an image of how kegs started out in life. I thought, Jesus, that explains why these things are so damn heavy. But no. Somebody just make a urinal out of a keg.

Stretchy Grilled Cheese Necklace

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grilled cheese necklace
This is the kind of Krafting I can fully support. See what I did there? As in Kraft cheese. Let me just warn you all that I am a grilled cheese animal. If you are wearing this Stretchy Grilled Cheese Necklace in my presence, I will bite at it and lick your neck like it’s our first date, because technically it will be.

You get a hickey or two, I lose a tooth or two. Seems like a fair trade to me. I’ll calm down once I realize that’s a fake gooey grilled cheese. Hopefully you’ll calm down before a restraining order is necessary.

Ghostbusters Gourd Sculptures

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ghostbusters gourd art
If you don’t like these Ghostbuster’s Gourd Sculptures from Etsy seller Wigoutgraphics, you must be out of your gourd! I’ve been slimed. (Funny Behind the scenes fact: I accidentally wrote, “I’ve been slimmed”, but nope, still have my gut and the doughy body of a nerd God)

The Slimer gourd shows Slimer on the front and in back you can see his brain and ghostly arteries and stuff. If he had such things. The Ungrateful Yuppie Larvae(Not actually me, despite my dad referring to me as such. That’s what the piece is called.) are doing their larvae thing like it’s a womb. Get a womb you two!

If there’s something strange in the neighborhood. Who ya gonna call. Gourd Busters!
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Radioactive Waste Drinking Glasses

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radioactive waste drinking
If you don’t like the idea of drinking out of a human mouth, try these Radioactive Waste Drinking Glasses. I’ll have a Three-Mile Island! No, make that a Manhattan Project. Just give me a Chernobyl on the rocks.

I make my own radioactive glasses. It’s called not washing it for several years and then putting it in an industrial strength microwave for like an hour so that thick layer of bacteria glows. It’s a glass and a night light. The nose bleeds should stop eventually and now that the last tooth is gone, I’m spending my dentist money on cool stuff like video games, so I feel like it’s all good.

Now if I could just stop Hulking out when I’m angry, life would be sweet.