Author: Artemis Winterford

Spider Lamp Makes A Great Fright-Light

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spider lamp
This crazy Spider Lamp has a big old butt that lights up. At least this spider makes it’s presence known. It’s the ones you can’t see that you have to worry about. The ones in your corners, the ones gently repelling down from the ceiling, the ones under your blankets at night…

You’re welcome. If it makes you feel any better, I’m all itchy and paranoid now too, but that may just be the result of 3 Red Bulls and a bag of Kit-Kats. I do what I have to for you guys, working all kinds of hours. Is it normal to see dust orbs that turn into angels and then rummage through your underwear drawer, while losing all feeling in your left hand?

Schlage 45 Caliber Gun Design Key Blank

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45 automatic key blank
Enter your home like a one man SWAT team. Extract this Schlage 45 Caliber Gun Design Key Blank from your tiny holster, insert it in the lock and pew pew pew! You’re in. Take cover! Take cover! It’s okay. We’re all clear! Pop some hot pockets in that microwave and put some Star Trek on that TV.

It’s good for opening your door or for holding up tiny animals, because it feels just like a real tiny gun in their backs. Long story, but trust me on this one. I have a lot of rodents around here.

Creepy Gothic Eye Jewelry

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blue eye
Etsy seller twistedsisterarts must have killed a lot of dragons to make these awesome Gothic Eye Jewelry pieces. She has headpieces, pendants, cloak fasteners and more. I wonder where she stashes the corpses.

I bet her jewelry stand transmits to a wall of TVs in dragon heaven, where they watch her through their dead eyes and count the days until they can have sweet revenge. I like the pink eye below the best. Maybe because I’ve had it so many times. Washing your hands is for sissies.
Read more “Creepy Gothic Eye Jewelry”

Soap Pistol With .45 Caliber Bullet Candles

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bullet candles
I have never been so dirty that I have needed a gun and some bullets to get clean. But just in case I ever am that filthy, I’m going to get me this Soap Pistol With .45 Caliber Bullet Candles. I can look tough while bathing, as I rub this gun all over my body, under the light cast from some bullet candles.

Pew! Pew! Pew! Hey, my gun is shrinking! Is that normal? No, not that gun!

This is my rifle, this is my gun. One is for bathing and one is for fun!

MySack Golf Ball Storage Sack

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golf ball sack
You need some golf ball storage? Just use MySack. The MySack Golf Ball Storage Sack. Nah. Go ahead. Take it. I’m not using it. Just hang MySack from your belt. Make sure you fondle it occasionally, just to make sure your balls have all dropped to the bottom. Don’t worry, it will feel soft since it is made of ultra suede. Just don’t overdo it. It’s sensitive. Oh and keep it dry to avoid shrinkage.

You’re welcome.