Author: Artemis Winterford

Zombie Toilet Brush and Zombie Head Holder Set

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zombie head toilet brush holder
This Zombie Toilet Brush and Zombie Head Holder Set is just what you need to keep a clean toilet during the zombie apocalypse. And you have a lot to keep clean ever since you made the local gas station restroom your HQ.

You’ll be sitting and squeezing in the last stall on the right, cramping up something fierce as you try to unload your cargo after 4 burritos and a Mountain Dew. And those zombies pushing at the barred door aren’t making it any easier to unleash your crap kraken. But rest easy knowing that as soon as you drop that load of diarrhea like a mud meteor, you can walk over to that door nice and calm, open it and shoot some corpses dead again until all is quiet. Then you can clean up the mess you made all over that stall and seeping into the next, with this toilet brush set and vow to eat better.

Sadly, you won’t be wiping between your mud-flaps since the nearest toilet paper is 2 towns away. But at least your restroom HQ is a little cleaner.
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Satanic Rites of Gumby and Other Twisted Gumby Art Prints

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satanic gumby
I always knew Gumby was into some bad stuff. He is an evil little clay turd. Here’s the proof. Behold, as Gumby is exposed for what he is. Here he is doing some weird Satanic ritual stuff. I’m not surprised that Pokey isn’t involved. God only knows what sick stuff he did to that little pony. I think they aim to summon clay Satan himself. You know, Clayton. The dark lord of clay.

This print is the work of Etsy seller ActFigPhotog. Click through for Gumby in the Manchurian Candidate and World War Z too.
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Lifesize Unicorn Head

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lifesize mounted unicorn head
For $555.55 you can decorate your home with a Lifesized Unicorn Head. Good call putting it by the door. *Guy comes home wearing swiss cheese clothing.* Honey, I’m home! *Wife rushes to the door with a kiss. Impales hat on unicorn horn and removes his coat. Stabs his coat down too.* Honey, I don’t mind that you collect weird stuff, but I think it’s time for a new coat rack. And for God’s sake, STOP taking selfies with it!
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Pink Floyd vs. “The Wall” Chess Set

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pink floyd chess set
We don’t need no education. We don’t need no thought control. But DO WANT this awesome Pink Floyd Chess Set. It’s the band Pink Floyd vs. the characters from The Wall. AND has the Dark Side of the Moon prism album art right on the board.

This chess set is pretty awesome. Although you would have to say Trip-mate just before you win, because it’s so trippy.

Mother, do you think they’ll drop the bomb? This Etsy seller just did, cuz this thing is da bomb.

If you don’t eat yer meat, you can’t have any pudding. How can you have any pudding if you don’t eat yer meat? I have no idea, but here’s what we’ll do. I’ll just skip both and have some cheese nachos. Cool? Are we good with that? Excellent!
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Monsters in America Map

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monsters in america map
America. It’s full of monsters. Some that the government created(Chupacabra) and others that UFOs dropped off(Bigfoot). It’s hard enough just trying to stay alive by not encountering them. We need to be armed with info about what’s out there and in which states you can find these scary foes. That’s where the Monsters in America Map comes in handy.

BTW I have no idea what a “Pope Lick Monster” is, but it resides in Kentucky, which is a long way from the Vatican. Why you wanna lick a Pope? They taste all old and vinegary.