Author: Artemis Winterford

Primordial Ooze Toys Are Gross And Fun

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Primordial Ooze
Fred Marinello sells some really strange and weird toys. Which of course means that we are all over this stuff. You can find a lot of freaky stuff in his online store, but some of the coolest may be these Primordial ooze toys. They all look like they just crawled out of the primordial soup and they aren’t too happy about it.

Waiter! There’s a half-formed dinosaur in my (primordial) soup.

These things are nasty and gross and colorful. Make sure you display them so that kids can see them. They like to live in the nightmares of young children. And bloggers! Gonna be another Nyquil and rum night for me!

Thanks Fred.
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Menorasaurus Rex

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t-rex menorahCelebrate Hanukkah with this cool Menorasaurus Rex and celebrate by lighting candles on a T-Rex. You probably already have a menorah, but I bet it isn’t a gold dinosaur. It is a gold painted plastic dino toy with metal candle cups attached.

Make your home into a Jewrassic Park this holiday season with this special piece of holiday decor. You can display it year round.

Thanks Jeremy.
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Fast Food Nightmare Painting

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omgwtfgmoDamn. This painting titled “Fast Food Nightmare 3” is scary as hell because it’s like one of those horror movies that’s based on a true story. Let’s see if I can decode this work of art.

Basically, Ronald McDonald is feeding some GMO corn to the Taco Bell dog, who naturally has explosive diarrhea and poops on the clown prince of crime’s oversized shoe. Burger King is all like, “my thumbs are tied. I can neither help with the cleanup or serve it up as a whopper. But can you save it for me?” Then Wendy is all like, “He he. I’m evil with a cute face.” Jack in the box looks on like an illuminati master, waiting, calculating. Seeing how it all plays out. Meanwhile, it must be the blindfolded customer’s first time dining in hell, because she’s not obscenely obese. Also, she has no arms with which to choke Colonel Sander’s chicken.

Custom Eraserhead Baby Figure

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eraserheadThis custom built Eraserhead baby reproduction from David Lynch’s movie “ERASERHEAD” looks like a turkey leg with eyes. This is #3 of only 10 that will be produced. It’s made from high quality platinum silicone and F3 foam to simulate the feel of real tissue. In other words he is soft and squishy and icky.

Pffft. If it was a real eraser head it would have erased itself by now. Also: That thing is butt-ugly. Like, you better drown that butt in proactive cuz you have terrible butt-acne ugly. It’s up to $430 so far.
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Weird Face Candles

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face candleThese weird face candles are freaking me out. They aren’t even face candles. They lack full faces. One is just a mouth that looks like the guy is grimacing after seeing something scary. The other is just a pair of ears. They all look pretty freaky all stacked up in a pyramid as seen in the pic below. They probably look extra weird when half melted.

I only use candles when the a storm knocks the power out. No way I’m using these. Thanks for the nightmares. I think I’ll sit in the dark instead.
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