If you want to look like a spiky Pokemon(And who doesn’t?) check out this Pastel Stud Vest. Then ask yourself why everyone is keeping their distance. Maybe because they don’t want to get impaled by your pastel rainbow of spikes.
On the upside, this will teach your cat to stay off of your clothes.
Read more “When Hugs Kill: Pastel Studded Vest”
Aaahoo! Werewolves of London! Don’t wait for a full moon to get a Werewolf rug like this one. I don’t know about you, but I am in no shape to be chasing a Werewolf down anyway. Plus, I’m fresh out of silver bullets. Why do you need a gun to fire a silver bullet at a Werewolf anyway?
Werewolves are all about the hunger. So all you have to do is dangle a chicken carcass in the woods and wait. I would put the silver bullet into the carcass or maybe inside of a bologna sandwich. Werewolves love them some sandwiches. Most hairy beasts do. Myself included. Once he tears into that food, he’s gonna bite the bullet and now you got yourself a new rug.
But does it change into a human rug and then back again during a full moon? Because you don’t want company over with a dead human laid out on the floor. Murder charges can’t be far behind.
Read more “Sit Your Full Moon On This Werewolf Rug”
I’m going bring this up with the Tenant’s Association. You’re not supposed to have pets in the building.
For $84. you can get two awesome and terrifying Terror Dogs. No, no, not those terror dogs from the ballpark that give you indigestion and little pebble poops later as you groan. You remember terror dogs right? From the first Ghostbusters movie. These guys are scary as Zuul!
I remember when that movie came out. I made my grandmother watch it. Then afterwards I would make ghost noises and ask her, “Who ya gonna call?”
“Ghostbusters!”
That’s when I had the orderlies from the rest home come in. “These Ghostbusters are removing you for your own safety grandma. We’ll bring you back when this place is ghost free.”
Hey, it was better than telling her the hard truth. She was happy for the last years of her life, knowing she was ghost free. So it was all good.
*Ghost noises that sound suspiciously like grandma* What the hell was that? *Whispering in my ear* “Who ya gonna call boy?”
AHHHHHKKKKKKKKKKK. I’M SORRY GRANDMA! PLEASE DON”T HAUNT ME!
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There’s always room for Jello…wrestling. For $119. you can get this package which makes 100 Gallons of Jello for Jello wrestling. C’mon ladies, lets make some money! What do you mean it’s too cold outside? I have 100 gallons of Jello just waiting. Plus, I added marshmallows. I have my red cowboy hat on and everything!
Oh well, I guess it’s going to be Jello for dessert every night for the next decade. Help me get this stuff in the fridge. No, you don’t get to take any home! Hey, stop pushing me! Ah, my plan is coming together perfectly.
This Black Widow costume looks nothing like the spiders I’ve seen crawling around my baseboards. Those aren’t sexy like this one. I usually just stand on my bed shrieking while I call my neighbor to come deal with it. And by “deal with it”, I mean she comes over and slaps me in the face, telling me to man up and grow a pair, because “I’m not your f***ing mommy, so stop calling me!”.
This is followed by a lengthy interrogation about how I got her phone number and why are there pieces of mail with her name on them in my house? Just getting to know my neighbors is all. Jeez. All the while, that scary and creepy 8-legged thing is still on the floor somewhere. By the time I get tazed, it doesn’t even matter, because I wake up a day later. That’s my life.
Click through for more images. Including a shot from the back. Nice egg-sack.
Read more “Black Widow Spider Costume AKA “The Maneater”: Watch Out Boy She’ll Chew You Up”