Category: Creep Wear

Scary Skeleton And Skull Ring

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Scary Skeleton And Skull Ring
Ahh look at the cute little Scary Skeleton And Skull Ring clinging to the finger. He’s all like, “You are my human. Mine. Never gonna give up this finger.” Crazy, creepy, cool. Wait, what? What do ya mean it looks like he’s dry-humping? Nah, he wouldn’t do that. Shut your mouth! Call it Skully and it will call you Mulder. You can both solve X-Files together and have all kinds of conspiracy fueled adventures. You can be the true believer and Skully will be the skeptic.

I like it because when you give someone the finger, it means so much more when you have a skeleton ring along for the ride. I’d be flipping people off and Skully would be on my finger, all like, “Yeah, I endorse this.”
Read more “Scary Skeleton And Skull Ring”

Women’s Meat Printed Socks

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Women's Meat Printed Socks
These Women’s Meat Printed Socks let you put some tenderloin on your tootsies. Some pork on your little piggies. Some bacon on your bunyons. You get the point. What could be better than meat on your feet? Not a damn thing. And now that they make socks that look like meat, I will no longer have to slip my feet into those choice cuts from the meat department. Hey, it gets cold during the winter. My floors are a bacterial nightmare. Look at how nicely marbled these are. You tenderize ’em in the washer and dryer.

Meat. It’s what’s for dinner. Also, it’s what’s for laundry. I’m gonna wear these to my local meat-up. It’s pork week. Like shark week only we’re the predators.

Sterling Silver Bat Skeleton Necklace

Artemis Winterford1 Comment

Sterling Silver Bat Skeleton Necklace
There’s something on me. Get it off! Get it off! What is it? Oh it’s cute. In the way all things are cute after it’s flesh has vaporized. Look at this Sterling Silver Bat Skeleton Necklace. It’s adorable. Look at him feeding from that woman’s neck. He ain’t gonna stop until she’s completely dry. He’s a little Vampire bat. Who’s the cute wittle vampire wampire bat? He just wants to hug. Hug and suck the life force out of you.
Read more “Sterling Silver Bat Skeleton Necklace”

Victorian Eye Rings

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Victorian Eye Rings
Victorian Eye Rings. No, not rings for your eye. I don’t even know how that would work. No, I mean rings that are eyes. These are super awesome too because you can be all like, “Give me a knuckle sandwich will ya? I’m gonna give you 5 eyes to the face sucka!” Cuz I would have one on each finger. I’d run my tongue across all of them before I punched the dude too, cuz you have to lay on the creepy and psych him out.

Hey, what’s with that third eye in the pic? Is it okay? Looks like it has glaucoma. Looks like we have a Third Eye Blind concert. You walked right into that one. Not really, I kinda put you on a conveyor belt and waited patiently. Who says we can’t all see eye to eye? Put on your eye rings and give me a fist bump.

C-3PO Star Wars Bra: The Bust Awakens

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

C-3PO Star Wars Bra The Bust Awakens
Ummm. No. Not interested in anyone wearing this. And I’m as nerdy as they come, collecting my star wars vehicles. Nerdy as a box of Nerds candy and twice as sweet, but no way. Just no. Cuz any woman wearing this is a man baby! How do I know? They call 3PO Goldenrod in the movies for a reason. Well maybe I might be interested. You would have to call me R2 and let me access your data with my robot interface stick. I can roleplay with the best of them. Especially when all I’m saying is beep bloop bippity bleep.

You would say stuff like. “Sir, the possibility of successfully navigating a C-3PO bra and actually getting it off is approximately 3,720 to 1.” Then I’ll say, “Never tell me the odds.” Of course I’ll get it off and then my erectile dysfunction would kick in and you would say, “The chances of satisfaction are 725 to 1. Actually Artoo has been known to make mistakes… from time to time… Oh dear…”

Nah. Too much work. I can just sit here and blog feeling defeated without all that hocus pocus. Droid boobs are overrated and I’m not buying anything second hand from a Jawa. Are those C cups? Makes sense C-3PO=C cups.