Category: Creep Wear

Zombie Gun Holsters For Conceal And Carry Carnage

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zombie gun holster
Zombies. You gotta shoot the head. Anything else is just a waste of time. If you plan on living in the Zombie apocalypse, you have to have a gun. That means you have to have a cool holster too, so you can twirl your gun around and make pew pew pew noises, then re-holster it and look cool. *BANG* Hops around on one foot checking out the smoking hole in my other foot. AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! zombies are in the trees! Run!

I may be on crutches for the next week or 3, but at least I have some wild Zombie holsters from Etsy seller RinehartLeather. They have all kinds of cool hand tooled leather holsters and stuff.
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Knicker Sticker Disposable Adhesive Underwear: No More Whale Tail

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Knicker Stickers
These Knicker Stickers are disposable adhesive underwear. Basically we’re talking a big old butt band-aid that covers your crack like a sheet of bondo, making your backside look flat as a barbie doll. On the plus side, it eliminates whale tail, so you aren’t “free willy-ing it” in inappropriate situations.

Don’t you kind of have the urge to wear one and just poop in it? Then crumble it up in a ball and toss it into the nearest trash bin? No? I guess that’s just me. Would be convenient. Like a poop net. He squeezes. He shoots! Nothin’ but net baby! The proof is that my backboards aren’t all messy. That’s why I’m the first draft pick. I hope the Cleveland Steamers get me.
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These Boots Are Made For Walking…Two Creepy Doll Heads

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Creepy Doll Spats
Spats? What the hell is a spat? Turns out they are those boot covers that WWI era people wore. Not the past tense of stuff that was previously spit on. Anywho, these spats have creepy baby doll heads on them. You can take them for a walk and they will probably start talking to each other, before working their way up to making kill requests of you.

That one. Kill that one!

No. That one over there with the Lucky Charms!

Will you two shut the hell up! I’m trying to shop here! I have to get milk and eggs. Why the hell am I wearing spats???
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Giant Lobster Claws

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lobster claws
Everyone should have a pair of giant lobster claws. They make everyday things into awesome things. Think of the fun that you could have doing things like: Hitchhiking, gesturing with your claws as you give directions, trying to saw through rope with your pincers, opening beer bottles and more.

You are gonna be a crazy crustacean. A prized pincer. Also, your handshake will now be powerful and dangerous for other humans. Life just got a little more awesome. Your new name is Zoidberg!

Fou Lard Bacon Scarf

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bacon scarThis Fou Lard Bacon scarf looks delicious. It should keep you warm in the winter months and not make your neck all greasy like the real thing. Fun fact: The French word for a silk scarf is foulard. So…Fou Lard. That’s word play. Which is foreplay for scrabble players. I think.

Basically the guys who make this say that the word is composed by fou (insane) and lard (bacon). If bacon is insane then call my frying pan an asylum and lets give ’em all some really hot therapy. The doctor is in and it’s a good day when all of the patients end up in my tummy.

Do I even know what I’m saying? Not really? I’m mesmerized by the idea of bacon on one’s neck.
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