Category: Geeky Cool Stuff

Mounted Predator Head

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

mounted predator headI finally bagged me a Predator. Even if it does look like a watermelon mated with a spider. They are surprisingly easy to catch. Just cover yourself in mud and they’re all like, “Where did you go?” So I popped up and surprised him. That’s how I got this sweet Predator head for my wall.

Like 4 more were off to the side laughing. I held their friend’s head up. “This is funny spider-face?” What’s that smell? Smells like taco night, just before bed. Oh, right! That mud was butt-mud. Figures I would hide in a pig-pen. They just gave me a wide birth as I left with my trophy. That’s right. I’m the man!
Read more “Mounted Predator Head”

Han Solo In Carbonite Toilet Seat

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Han Solo In Carbonite Toilet SeatThis is how you deal with smugglers that are ticking you off. You freeze them in carbonite and make a toilet seat out of them, so they are forced to kiss your fat butt cheeks for all eternity. If you are a big fat slug creature, you can always freeze someone else for your wall, but Solo deserves the toilet treatment. $59.99.

Sawed-Off Shotgun BBQ Grill

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

sawed off shotgun grillThis sawed-off shotgun grill is loaded full of buckshot. And by buckshot, I mean steaks, hamburgers and pork products shaped like weenies. Pig weenies if you will. I just like saying weenies. This $9,550.00 grill is perfect for my next backyard party.

Since it smokes out of the barrels, I’m just gonna push the barrels over the neighbors side of the fence. I’ll be grillin’ on my side, they’ll be- Oh sh*t, I pushed both barrels through their living room window. I’m not gonna sweat it though. They won’t be home for another two weeks. When they get home they will deduce that they obviously left their oven on, hence all the smoke. The heat broke their window too. Damn. Y’all better get cleaning. Yeah, that’s why I grill outside in my double barrel. Laterz.
Read more “Sawed-Off Shotgun BBQ Grill”

Vincent Van Gorn Painting

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

vincent van gornWe all know that Doctor Who met Vincent Van Gogh, but it is not so well known that at least one Star Trek creature met the famous painter as well. A Gorn. Of course Vincent Van Gogh had to lose in hand to hand combat to be forced to paint the portrait. That is the real reason he lost his ear. The Gorn pulled a Mike Tyson on him. Only $595.

Super Size Me: Fat Bastard Toilet Paper Roll

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

fat bastard toilet paperWhen you take a Brawny sized dump, you need a Brawny sized roll of Toilet Paper. Or to quote Fat Bastard himself, “I’m not kiddin’. I’ve got a crap on deck that could choke a donkey. Aww, it’s SQUIDGY. Christ, I’m gettin’ all emotional from it, ya know?”

A wide and very wise man. If you find yourself in the stall next to his foul stench, don’t even ask, because he doesn’t have an 11 inch square to spare.