Category: Just Plain Weird

Necronomicon Tablet Cover: Protect Your iPad, Doom The World

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

necronomicon coverHey, thanks for the Necronomicon tablet cover. What a great gift! Now every time I play Angry Birds I’m opening a portal to some ancient and evil place. No, really, I’m enjoying it. Just what I wanted. I love getting choked by a Cthulhu tentacle in the middle of the night as it reaches out of my tablet. Know what else I love? Coming home from work and finding cultists in a circle in my livingroom playing Fruit Ninja and eating all my snacks.

Oh man, those veins on the cover are bulging. *A dark wind is kicking up, swirling about a nasty sulfur smell* This ain’t good! Yeah, I really love my gift you a**hole. Next time get me a blender. Hold on to some furniture! Prepare for what I like to call a demon fart!
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Custom Domino’s Pizza Noid Mech Figure

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

noidI know I’m supposed to avoid the Noid because he just wants to ruin my pizza by crushing it or making it cold, but I just can’t resist this awesome custom figure from KodykoalaToys, maker of all kinds of cool customs.

Remember when they had that rule about delivery in 30 minutes or your pizza is free? Good times. The trick to free pizza in those days was to order from a pay phone outside of the Domino’s shop and then pour sugar in the driver’s gas tank. Then when they go to use another car you block that one in. After that you run around the parking lot in your Noid costume and act crazy. The driver will run back inside because everyone fears the Noid. Steal a car and park it on the sidewalk so it blocks the door. By now at least 15 minutes have passed. The police are almost here. They will arrive in a minute and take their time questioninging the workers. Flip everyone the bird and laugh maniacally. Then go home and await your free pizza and an apology. Ah memories.
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Apron Of Flesh With Bonus Purse Of Flesh

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

flesh apronHey, serial killers have to cook too. And nobody likes to stain their clothes. I’m not sure how many people had to die to make this flesh apron, but judging by the amount of eye-holes that I see, there are at least 7 extra people invited to dinner.

I hear ya. It needs an accessory just as fleshy. To flesh it out. You’re thinking, “It’s cool and all, but this outfit needs more skin in the game if I’m gonna buy it”. Well, you can also get a matching Flesh Purse. Now you are all set to host a dinner that your guests will never forget…And never leave.

Yeah, this is from the same Etsy seller that gave us the People Pot Pie, so we already know what’s on the menu.
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Inflatable Pizza Chair

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

pizza chairThis Inflatable Pizza Chair is a slice of heaven that looks like a slice of pepperoni pizza. This is the true meaning of the phrase “comfort food”. Hey, I would sleep in a bed of mac and cheese if it’s comfortable. The macaroni would be the mattress, letting you sink down just enough so that the warm cheese enfolds as a wet gooey blanket that you can lick all night.

Anyway, this slice of pizza looks super comfy. It might be just what I need. Hey, did you wet yourself again? Hell no, I’m a big boy now. Really? What’s that spot? That’s just pizza grease. Totally normal.

Handmade Tic Tac Skull Game

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

tic tac toe skull gameThis handmade Tic Tac Toe game is pretty awesome. If you still find Tic Tac Toe to be a challenging game anyway. It has skulls on black and white bases for the Xs and Os. Tic Tac Toe was never my thing. I read the rules like 50 times and still couldn’t make any sense out of it.

I guess it’s a game for advanced gamers with years of experience. I’ll just stick to games I understand like Go Fish. The seller has several other versions of the game too.