Tag: accessory

Zombie Gun Holsters For Conceal And Carry Carnage

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zombie gun holster
Zombies. You gotta shoot the head. Anything else is just a waste of time. If you plan on living in the Zombie apocalypse, you have to have a gun. That means you have to have a cool holster too, so you can twirl your gun around and make pew pew pew noises, then re-holster it and look cool. *BANG* Hops around on one foot checking out the smoking hole in my other foot. AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! zombies are in the trees! Run!

I may be on crutches for the next week or 3, but at least I have some wild Zombie holsters from Etsy seller RinehartLeather. They have all kinds of cool hand tooled leather holsters and stuff.
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Knicker Sticker Disposable Adhesive Underwear: No More Whale Tail

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Knicker Stickers
These Knicker Stickers are disposable adhesive underwear. Basically we’re talking a big old butt band-aid that covers your crack like a sheet of bondo, making your backside look flat as a barbie doll. On the plus side, it eliminates whale tail, so you aren’t “free willy-ing it” in inappropriate situations.

Don’t you kind of have the urge to wear one and just poop in it? Then crumble it up in a ball and toss it into the nearest trash bin? No? I guess that’s just me. Would be convenient. Like a poop net. He squeezes. He shoots! Nothin’ but net baby! The proof is that my backboards aren’t all messy. That’s why I’m the first draft pick. I hope the Cleveland Steamers get me.
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Fou Lard Bacon Scarf

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bacon scarThis Fou Lard Bacon scarf looks delicious. It should keep you warm in the winter months and not make your neck all greasy like the real thing. Fun fact: The French word for a silk scarf is foulard. So…Fou Lard. That’s word play. Which is foreplay for scrabble players. I think.

Basically the guys who make this say that the word is composed by fou (insane) and lard (bacon). If bacon is insane then call my frying pan an asylum and lets give ’em all some really hot therapy. The doctor is in and it’s a good day when all of the patients end up in my tummy.

Do I even know what I’m saying? Not really? I’m mesmerized by the idea of bacon on one’s neck.
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Fly And Bug Buddy Purse: Livin’ La Vida Larva

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superfly purseWhat’s all the buzz about this season in fashion? Not those rain boots and hairy legs stockings that Walmart shoppers are rocking this week, that’s for sure. It’s all about accessorizing. If you wanna look fly, you gotta start with maggots and work your way up to full fledged flying pest.

This Fly And Bug Buddy Purse is superfly. Store it in your closet by throwing it on a flystrip.

The Butt Towel

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butt towelButts. Everybody has one. You get out of the shower and you try to cover it up, but the towel just falls anyway. I say if you have it flaunt it and if it is covered by a towel you can still show it off with this cheeky Butt towel.

Saggy butt? Droopy dumper? Now your butt will always look buff and cartoony after each shower, while your real and likely acne riddled butt hides beneath. This is like plastic surgery that you can put on and take off of your poop-shooter.