These Murder Weapon earrings from Etsy seller PlumeriaMAccessories make murder weapons fashionable. You can choose from a Butcher’s Knife, Axe and a Hack Saw.
Murder them with fashion. Each of the weapons are nice and bloody as if little psychos had used them to hack someone to pieces, before you hung them on your ears. Only $7.13. Click through for the other versions.
Read more “If Looks Could Kill: Murder Weapon Earrings”
I don’t have any evidence to support this, but this Beetlejuice Necklace may in fact keep Beetlejuice away if you say his name three times. In fact Beetlejuice-
Nuts! Now Michael Keaton is all up in my business, wearing way too much makeup and acting like he’s all hopped up on angeldust. Now I may have to spend $22 on this necklace to get rid of him.
What the hell is that racket? Stop going through my stuff man! How do I get rid of him? Oh, saying his name 3 times also gets rid of him? He’s gone now. I’m still ordering this necklace. Michael Keaton on crack is too messed up a house guest.
If you want a monster on your hip, you don’t have to give birth and tote a crying baby around, who is smacking and kicking at your ribs. Just buy this leather monster belt bag for $150. on Etsy. It is grievously gross and horrendously horrifying. Just a bunch of bloodshot eyes and a foaming slobbering mouth full of fangs.
Monsters get hungry, so keep all your stuff in there and keep it well fed, so that it doesn’t turn on you.
Click through for close ups of those eyes and that horribly detailed slobbering mouth. Or I could just show you a pic of me with a hangover. Really no difference.
Read more “Shriek Chic: Leather Monster Belt Bag”
You are going to love this new purse from the new fall “Crotch Collection”. It’s chic, stylish, and may even come with the faint scent of man or lady parts. Because everyone knows that Ebay sellers do not wash things for crap before they craft the item and ship it out. Ebay sellers are the poo throwing, butt scratching monkeys of online shopping, while Etsy sellers are the evolved crafters who go to tea parties and point at Ebay and laugh. That’s just a fact.
Anyway, this purse used to be a vehicle for someone’s crotch. Now it is a purse. These were made from jeans that are over 30 years old. The seller says so. That’s a lot of time for a crotch to be married to some pants. That stink ain’t never coming out.
My wife has one of these and she loves it. Some of her reviews include: “Why does my lipstick smell like ass?” or “I’m sick of my money smelling like sweaty man-sack.” Or, my personal favorite, “Sure am enjoying my vag-scented Tic-Tacs.”
Look at this. The miracle of life on each ear. What was that? Sorry, I couldn’t hear you since all sound waves are deflected off of my twin fetuses dangling from my ears as if swaying on their own umbilical cords.
Weeeee. Mommy is taking you for a wild ride today. First it’s off to Baskin and Robbins, because I deserve it and I have a spare cubbyhole where my butt meets my thigh, that needs to be filled with human-consumptive fat-wax. Then it’s off to the gym to work off yesterdays scandalous B and R rendezvous with raspberry. After that, it’s two hours of rom com on Netflix and then we’re off to the bar. If I play my cards right, I might just have another baby on board. For reals this time.