Tag: art

Mannequin Soap: Now That’s Body Wash

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Mannequin Soap
Mannequin Soap. Touch that body. Work that body. Lather up that body. I like to use it until the booby mounds wear down, thereby changing the gender of the mannequin. I’ll have 200 please! Gonna put them all over my bathroom so people think I’m a serial killer.

“Where are the bodies you sick son of a-”

*Shrugs* All over my bathroom. You’ve seen ’em.”

“You wise-ass! Where did you dump them? I’m gonna see that you rot. Gonna make sure you get the death sentence.”

“Whoa! Hang on a second! For washing my hands with tiny mannequins? Good thing you guy’s didn’t see my wall of newspaper clippings and string flowcharts illustrating the takeover of our government by reptoid aliens who killed JFK and make crop circles for fun. Uh-oh… My right to be silent isn’t working. Obviously. Look, I’m just weird. I like weird soaps. Not the daytime variety though. Speaking of, shouldn’t a soap opera be lots of bubbles and a fat lady singing? See why the world is confusing for me? Are we done? It’s almost my nappy time.”

Cthulhu And Other Leather Bound Journals

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Cthulhu And Other Leather Bound Journals
MetalSomeArt sells some awesome leather bound journals. Heh. Leather bound. Sounds kinky. 50 Shades of Paper. Get it? Anyway, they have many cool journals to choose from. Cthulhu, Tarot Cards, all kinds of cool stuff. They have awesome brass plates in front. That’s what makes ’em look so fancy. So shiny. I’m gonna get one so I can write down my deepest innermost thoughts.

*Opens journal. Starts to write.* Hmmm. Nothing’s coming to me. Damn writer’s block. I hate that. Why you blockin’ me bro? What do you have against writers and why are you invisible? Silence huh? Well, nobody blocks me you blockhead. I’ll just journal about you.

Dear Diary. Today writer’s block tried to block me from your crisp white pages. But I don’t let bullies win. He’s a poopy pants which is why this entry sounds like a 2 year old rather than being in my usual 4 year old style. I hate that guy. Always blocking. Always lurking. P.S. I like your brass plate on your cover. So shiny and pretty. I like to touch it. Will you be my girlfriend? K bye.
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KaijuMon Pokemon Kaiju Art Prints

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KaijuMon Pokemon Kaiju Art Prints
Pokemon + Kaiju = KaijuMon! That is an awesome monster hybrid right there. Check out these cool art prints from MikeGoesGeek featuring different KaijuMon. These Pokemon catch all of us! There’s Venusaur and Onix, Charizard and Chrmander, Blastoise and Aerodactyl and more. These monsters are here to chew bubblegum and kick ass and they are all out of bubblegum. PLEASE SOMEONE GIVE THEM SOME GUM! Nevermind, there goes the candy store under Blastoise’s foot. Now he’s pissed he has gooey nasty candy stuck to his foot along with the head of the store clerk.

Oh well, it’s all over now. I TOLD YOU KIDS TO STOP HUNTING POKEMON. ARE YOU HAPPY NOW? HOW FUN IS IT NOW? I’m off to loot toilet paper and cigs so I have some currency in this new world. What’s left of it.
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Octopus Gamer Print

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Octopus Gamer Print
This Octopus has game! He’s kickin’ it old school playing Nintendo. This Octopus Gamer Print will help you to remember that Octopus are cool and also that they will kick your butt in a game of Super Mario Bros. That’s probably because they squirt ink in your face every time you get the high score. I hate it when they do that. That’s why Octopi are my gaming enemies.

Octopus,
Octopi,
You spit ink into the wrong effin eye.

I’ll beat you fair,
I’ll beat you square.
I’ll beat you in my underwear.

I challenge you to Mario Karts,
Let’s see if you can withstand my gamer farts.

For I have Cheetos,
And I have Mountain Dew.
Now the very air, it smells like poo.

You have passed out and I have the high score.
I celebrate and show you the door.

I bid you good day you tentacled freak,
Now back inside to sit in my reek.

I said Good Day sir!

Creepy Creatures In Tea Cups And Bowls

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Creepy Creatures In Tea Cups And Bowls
VoodooDelicious has some truly delicious voodoo. Can’t wait to try their hoodoo. They probably have hoodoo, but I love that voodoo that they do so well. Like these Creepy Creatures In Tea Cups And Bowls. Would you like sugar with your tea? Cream? A foreign organism of some sort? When true evil destroys the world one day, this is how it will be born into the world. Not from a pit in some toxic bog, not from some hole that connects to the center of the world, but from a tea cup in some old ladies house. Probably my grandma, cuz she is into some whacked out evil stuff. Next time she summons some freak from another dimension, I’m not coming over to sort it out this time to clean up her mess.

I like that guy in the second picture. He’s like a little old man, just chilling and getting all wrinkly. Relaxing before he climbs out and tries to conquer the world. Probably swaying my grandma with his charm and good looks. Probably braggin’ about how he doesn’t need a little blue pill. This guy is trouble.
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