Tag: art

Scary Breakfast Cereal Monsters

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Scary Breakfast Cereal Monsters
Check out these cool Scary Breakfast Cereal Monsters art prints from QuietRoomBears. These things are crazy for Coacoa Puffs. Seriously, the Coacoa Puffs bird is in a straight jacket. You know why. Cuz he’s crazy for Coacoa Puffs. Me? I’m horny for Honeycombs. Not that anyone asked. TMI? Sorry.

They have several, all based on different cereals, showing the monster that your kid becomes after they have been sugared up by each one. I used to become a monster after eating crazy amounts of Sugar Smacks. I was a 5 year old just smacking the hell out of anyone. I didn’t even care. A two foot tall kid smacking beings 5 times as tall. I would be all like, “Hey Mister, c’mere. Bend down so I can whisper something.” *SMACK* No sugar with that smack biatch! DIG ‘EM!

Stuff is like crack. I had to go off cereal for like a year. Court ordered.
Read more “Scary Breakfast Cereal Monsters”

Mutant Sea Creature Vase

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Mutant Sea Creature Vase
This Mutant Sea Creature Vase is all kinds of ugly. In a good way. Everything under the sea is ugly. Just a bunch of creatures all swimming under the sea, bumping uglies. If you ever visit an Octopus’ garden and steal some flowers, put them in this vase. If I’m honest, it looks like a big open scab that’s bubbling after you put the hydrogen peroxide on. Except it doesn’t collect all that lint around the edges when you leave it uncovered. You know what I’m talking about.

I wonder if all of the sea creatures will evolve into floating scabs. How would we ever resist picking them? We have over-fished the seas, it’s only natural we over-pick it’s scabs. This has been another addition of Deep thoughts. With me.

These Monster Hanging Chairs Scare The Sit Out Of Me

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Monster Hanging Chairs
South African designer Porky Hefer has reimagined the nest chair as monster hanging chairs that will take a bite out of your butt if you sit in them. These chairs are all monster, all mouth, all the time. They are in orca, anglerfish, pelican, pufferfish, and crocodile versions. The series is called “Monstera Deliciosa”. That means that monsters find you tasty. This beats my attempt at making all of my chairs into monsters. *Looks at the googly eyes on my bean bag chair. Jumps on and sinks in, disappearing. Sticks my arm out, giving the thumbs up.* I’m all good peeps. Just give me like an hour until it spits me out.

Make a chair into a monster? I even tried insulting it, telling it that it would never be loved, and neglecting it in favor of the other chairs in the house. Unfortunately, how my parents made me a monster doesn’t work on chairs. I guess I’m not an artist. Whatevs. I’m pretty good at farting the A-Team theme song though. I’m a fartist.
Read more “These Monster Hanging Chairs Scare The Sit Out Of Me”

Colorful Embellished Human Skull Replicas

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Colorful Embellished Human Skull Replicas
Are you interested in these awesome Colorful Embellished Human Skull Replicas? Yeah? Going once. Going twice. Skulled to the highest bidder. I almost said bidet. They will not be sold to the highest bidet because 1) It’s too tall and 2)bidets don’t buy things. They just shoot water up your bum-hole.

Now that we have that cleared up, or should I say now that your butt has been sprayed clean, I can tell you about these fancy decorative skulls from etsy seller PoorYorickSkulls. They come in all kinds of styles and colors. Not all kinds of shapes cuz you know, skulls is skulls. My uncle used to say that. I would tug on his sleeve and say, “Isn’t she pretty uncle? She has a nice face.” He would look and say, “Eh. Skulls is skulls. But she’s got some nice *beep*. It rhymes with holes. My uncle was an ass. I should really visit him in jail someday soon.

Anywho these skulls is awesome. Here’s a song I wrote.

These skulls ain’t got no souls.
Ain’t got no use for Doctor Scholls.
Magic so hype,
They keep your daughters off poles.
Decorate yer house,
They frighten moles.
It’s got a nose hole,
And some eye holes,
You know you love it,
So shut your pie-holes.

*Drops mic. Walks away.*
Read more “Colorful Embellished Human Skull Replicas”

This Laughing Crow Necklace Is For The Birds

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

This Laughing Crow Necklace Is For The Birds
This Laughing Crow Necklace is just what I need this Christmas. Oh yeah, I need three crow wise men around my neck yakking my ears off. Crow, crow crow! Caw, caw, caw! “Go left. Go right. No, go straight ahead! Don’t listen to that bird brain! No, don’t listen to him! I’ll peck your eyes out! All you do is crow! Keep your beak outta my business!” See, they’re not laughing so much as being jerks! Loud, arguing jerks. Always pecking at each other.

I already have a headache. You know what they say, a bird in the hand is worth 3 on your chest. This is like having your very own awesome tri-bird-boob! It’s a C-Cup. Get it? C for Crows.