Bullet Bouquets: In Boom Right Now

bullet bouquet
Bullet Bouquets. They boom when they bloom. But enough of that gloom and doom. Artist Anthony Zambai and wife create these Bullet Bouquets. Bang bang, bloom bloom. Flower power. Each bouquet is made of authentic, spent hollow point bullets. They are sold as tiny pots of 3 to 12 “buds”. Hey bud. Boom.

They make great gifts. Nothing says I love you like spent ammunition that you “spent” your money on. These bullets could have been used to kill a living thing, but instead, I present them to you as flowers. Please love me. I’m so alone and my impending mortality scares me.

Realistic Mouth In Glass

mouth in glass dome
This Realistic mouth is…Realistic. Creepy realistic. Is it bad that I want to kiss it? Don’t worry my sweet, I’m a lover not a biter. Damn, this girl is all chin. I didn’t notice at first, but holy chin dynasty! I think we found that moon dude from the old McDonalds commercials. “It’s Mac tonight!”

No wonder they put this realistic mouth under glass. She’s a Jay Leno cloning experiment gone wrong. Or gone right I guess. The scientists were all like, “Get it under a dome quick!” Then Jay Leno walked in all whiny voiced and prissy like he does, “Hey guyth, whath going on? Any luck with my soulmate yet?”

“Just go for another ride around the block in one of your old cars Mister Leno. We’ll let you know.” *Whispers* “Never tell him. Their chins must not collide!” *Makes large explosion motion with hands*

Richard Nixon Fighting A Sabertooth Tiger Art Print

nixon fighting a sabertooth
This fine art print of Tricky Dick “I am not a crook” Nixon shows Richard Thrillhouse Nixon battling a sabertooth tiger. He’s got him down and is pouncing all over him, getting ready to punch him in the face with his brass knuckles.

I didn’t like Richard Nixon before, but now the man is one of my personal heroes, right up there with Pee-Wee Herman and whoever the guy was who invented Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. You got your chocolate in my peanut butter. No you got YOUR peanut butter in my chocolate. Who cares? Damn that’s good!
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Realistic Pokemon Instill Realistic Fear

realistic pokemon
Etsy seller Bakucosas makes Realistic Pokemon that look scary as hell. They only have 3 in their shop right now, so catching them all is impossible. Bulbasaur looks like he will eat your hand clean off and then rip out your tongue and wipe his mouth with it.

I don’t know anything about Pokemon, but I know when to run like hell and throw my tiny dog at it. Your sacrifice will not be in vain Fluffy. I vow to breed my own Pokemon and one day I will return to avenge you! Or just, you know, maybe get a new dog. That’s probably easier on everyone.
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Classic Monster Pin-Up Girls Art Prints

monster pin up girls
These Classic Monster Pin-Up Girls Art Prints are cute and cartoony. Too bad I’m not flying an old-timey fighter plane over Transylvania. I would totally paint one of these chicks on my plane. It means you have a hot girl back home and you miss them. Kinda like how when I went to college, I painted that Perdue Chicken on the side of my Honda, with one leg up all sexy-like.

What? No I didn’t take any major. I was there to deliver a pizza because of my side job. Boy did I miss chicken that day though. She was there when I got home though. It’s toughest on the ones waiting back home.
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